DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My brother has a close friend, who he does just about everything with. They like a lot of the same things, so it makes sense they are so close.
What I don’t like is that this guy has a fierce temper, and especially when he has a few drinks in him, he gets nasty and starts picking fights and saying stupid things in bars and restaurants and sporting events, in other words, anywhere he’s drinking and in public. He once ruined one of our family reunions when he showed up because my brother invited him, started drinking, and picked a fight with my uncle over some stupid something I can’t even remember.
I have said to my brother that this guy is a loser, and he would be better off without him in his life, but that just gets my brother mad at me and he tells me I don’t have to be around his friend if I don’t like him so much. This is complicated since we have so many other friends in common, and in a small town like ours, there are not a lot of people our age to hang out with.
How do I get my brother to realize he is in danger of losing other people in his life because of his hanging out with this one nasty drunk friend? --- MY BROTHER’S FRIEND IS A LOSER
DEAR MY BROTHER’S FRIEND IS A LOSER: You’ve already made your opinion of his friend clear to your brother. He’s in this friendship of his own accord, and as difficult as it is for you to see, the relationship’s most likely not going to change until, and if, your brother decides it’s not working for him.
For now, perhaps you can suggest getting together with just your brother once in a while, even if it’s simply for a quick bite or a visit to a family member’s home. It might not seem like much, but if your brother gets the idea there is a social life out there without his one best buddy, he may be more open-minded about ways to spend his spare time.