DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I knew my husband liked on-line porn long before we were married. He even got me to watch some once, and that was enough for me. I had hoped after we were married, though, he would stop watching that stuff, but so far that doesn’t seem to be what’s happening.
I have told him I don’t like it much, but mostly because it makes me feel like I am not enough for him sexually. We’ve been together for three years, almost one of them as a married couple. He keeps telling me it’s all harmless, but I find it not as harmless as he claims.
Is he just being a “guy,” and it’s me who is making a big deal out of nothing? --- WIFE OF A PORN FAN
DEAR WIFE OF A PORN FAN: From what I’ve read, while the verdict isn’t fully in, there does seem to be evidence suggesting that watching on-line porn can become addictive. Hopefully, that’s not the case with your husband.
I think the first step is to let him know how you feel, making it clear it isn’t just a case of your not enjoying the porn, but rather his watching it so much makes you fear you’re not fulfilling his sexual needs. Such is likely to harm your relationship, and airing your feelings may make it clear to your husband the true roots of your concern.
If at any time, you observe disturbing behaviors you believe are the result of his porn-watching, then the conversation becomes whether or not he has an addiction that needs to be addressed. The next step should be finding a qualified therapist or treatment program to help you both because addiction is an issue that would affect you individually and as a couple.