DEAR NATALIE: As we close out this year and start 2025, I have been reflecting on a lot of my goals and have come to the conclusion that I am extremely unhappy in my life. I have four kids and a husband and a good job. On the outside, I “have it all.” But on the inside, I feel completely unfulfilled and frustrated with my life. I don’t love my work. My kids are wonderful but exhaust me. My husband is a good man but takes me for granted. I’m tired. I told my friends the other night that I wanted to “run away” and they all agreed with me. Why does every woman I know in their 30s and 40s seem incredibly disillusioned? What can I do to stop hating my life? I don’t know if a divorce would fix anything and I am not in a position to quit my job. What do I do to stop feeling so aggravated by everything and everyone? – WHAT IS IT ALL FOR

DEAR WHAT IS IT ALL FOR: Sounds like you are burned out. I would recommend two things: First, you need some kind of a vacation away from everyone and everything. Even if it is one night away without your husband and kids, you need to take a step back so that you can have a chance to breathe. Sometimes, when we are completely overwhelmed and disillusioned, we can make impulse decisions that will only add more problems to our plate. If you don’t have the funds to leave for the night, can you spend the night at a friend’s or family member’s home just so you can get away from your day-to-day? The second thing I recommend is a redistribution of responsibilities at home. If your husband is “taking you for granted” then that probably means there is too much on your plate. How can you both balance the responsibilities better at home? What are your children able to do? Depending on their age, there are plenty of ways they can pitch in at home. If none of this seems realistic, are you in a position to hire a cleaning agency or someone that can run errands for you? Whatever your situation is, first let’s tackle what pressures can be reduced externally to help take away some of those stressors. After those are addressed, I want you to find a way to carve out time for yourself every week. Even if it is just for one hour. What can you do for that one hour that is just for you? Take yourself on a coffee date where you can read a book in peace? A yoga class to clear your mind? How about a walk with a friend to reconnect? You deserve something to call your own. Part of the disillusionment that I hear from so many women is a lack of connection back to ourselves. Women are raised to be relational. Everything is about how we are seen as “something to someone” else. You are a wife, a mother, a co-worker, a friend, a chef, a chauffeur, a house manager…you get the idea. But what about you independent of all of that? Is there something there that is screaming out for attention and so you are feeling angry and unhappy in your life? Finding a way to reconnect back to who you are may take time. But if you don’t find ways to reaffirm your existence independent of everything that you do for everyone else, your unhappiness will continue to deepen. 

DEAR NATALIE: Recently, we had to put our dog down and my kids have been having a hard time with it. We had our dog, Lily, for almost nine years. I was always the one taking care of her and I wanted a bit of a break before we got a new dog. Well, of course, my husband decided to get the kids a new puppy for Christmas. I am frustrated because he didn’t consult me and he knew how I felt. I am also frustrated because while the kids are older now and can handle the responsibility, I know this will all fall on me. My husband always does this and I’m over it. What do I do now that we have a dog that I don’t want? – WASN’T CONSULTED

DEAR WASN’T CONSULTED: I want to make a pun so bad right now about your husband being in the doghouse because of this. I don’t blame you one bit for being angry about this situation. Sounds like “family meeting time.” If they want to keep this dog, then there will need to be a chore list assigned to everyone in the family to share the workload. If chores aren’t followed through on, then privileges will be lost. Put your foot down here. You aren’t everyone’s servant and teaching your children responsibility through having a pet will only make them better people. As for your husband, he needs to understand that this is unacceptable moving forward. If he can’t figure that out, then he really will end up in the doghouse.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Check out her radio show every Saturday from 2-5pm EST on KDKA Radio 1020AM, 100.1FM, stream it on the

Audacy app or at www.kdkaradio.com

Watch her award-winning video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Facts Over Fear: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram @NatalieBencivenga

and on TikTok @NatalieBencivenga

DEAR NATALIE: My life has taken an interesting turn in the past week. I suffer from a chronic health condition and it is getting progressively worse. I was considering hospice for a while, but I’ve improved enough that I want to keep fighting. I have two daughters and I want to be there for them, especially since my wife (their mother) died almost eight years ago, unexpectedly. Well, also unexpectedly, my ex – from many years ago – reconnected with me on social media. We have been talking almost every day and she even shared that she never fell out of love with me. I’ve been a widower for so long, I almost forgot what it felt to feel happy again. She wants to visit me and “see if the spark is still there.” I’m hesitant to tell her about my health and the idea of falling in love at this point when I could die at any time…I don’t want to hurt either of us…or my children. What should I do? – AFRAID TO FALL AGAIN

DEAR AFRAID TO FALL AGAIN: You and your daughters have been through so much heartache over the years and I understand your trepidation in bringing someone back into your life. I would ask yourself these questions: What do you have to lose? What if this person provides a space for your daughters to feel like they have a new friend to share things with? What if there is a spark? What’s wrong with being happy…no matter the timeline? I know there is a fear because of everything your family has endured. But doesn’t everyone deserve some levity, too? Even if she just becomes a friend in your orbit, it sounds as though it’s a risk worth taking. Nothing is ever guaranteed for any of us and while you want to protect her and your family from more heartache and pain, it’s the love between people that makes life worth living. Consider opening your heart and see what can happen.

DEAR NATALIE: My son has been dating a woman who I don’t care for. She is incredibly bossy and orders him around like he’s her servant. My daughter thinks she’s great and so does my husband, but I see how she talks to him. He follows her around like a puppy. I have told him that I have my reservations about her.  Well, last week he told my husband and me that he is planning on proposing and wanted our blessing. I didn’t give it, and I told him I needed time to think. Now my husband is upset with me because our son is upset. What can I say to convince him to reconsider this relationship? – NOT SURE ABOUT HER

DEAR NOT SURE ABOUT HER: Mom, it’s time to get onboard. It sounds as though this woman makes your son happy and (spoiler alert!) some men actually do love strong, bossy women. As long as she isn’t verbally abusive, let it be. From the tone of your email, you also sound like a woman who is used to being in charge. Perhaps this is more of an ego bruise than anything else. I recommend taking a step back and recognizing that your son is going to marry who he wants to marry. If everyone else in the family likes her, consider where your own blindspots may be in this situation. If you want to be in his life in a meaningful way moving forward, I suggest you get to know her and learn to accept her for who she is. You might actually have more in common than you think.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Check out her radio show every Saturday from 2-5pm EST on KDKA Radio 1020AM, 100.1FM, stream it on the

Audacy app or at www.kdkaradio.com

Watch her award-winning video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Facts Over Fear: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram @NatalieBencivenga

and on TikTok @NatalieBencivenga

DEAR NATALIE: My boyfriend shoved me onto the ground the other night and spit on me. He was drunk and came home upset that I wasn’t waiting up for him. I was exhausted after a long shift at work and had gone to bed early. When he woke me up, I got up from the bed to turn on the overhead light, and he shoved me and spit on me. I was in total shock. He’s always had a bit of a temper but never anything like this. I told him he couldn’t sleep in the bedroom and so he fell asleep on the couch. When I confronted him about it the next morning, he was very apologetic and acted as if he didn’t even remember doing it. What do I do with that? I am worried this will only escalate. I love him, but I don’t want to live in fear. What should I do? – SCARED FOR MY LIFE

DEAR SCARED FOR MY LIFE: The experience you just shared sounded terrifying and dehumanizing. I am sorry you went through that. It’s no wonder you feel unnerved and afraid. You shouldn’t have to live like this and he needs serious help. The fact that he became violent and has no recollection of his behavior should scare him. But not remembering behavior doesn’t excuse it. If you feel able to, break it off with him – at least for a while. He should move out and go to therapy. He needs to quit drinking. He needs to deal with the root cause of what happened and take accountability for his actions. If living apart is not an option right now, then he still needs to commit to working on his sobriety, being in therapy and going to couples’ therapy with you. You might also benefit from individual therapy to sort through what happened and how it impacted you. None of this is acceptable. I hope he gets help and can change – but in case he doesn’t – you need an immediate exit strategy. 

DEAR NATALIE: My ex-boyfriend (from years ago) reached out to me last week. He has since come out of the closet and has been married to a man now for two years. While we haven’t kept in close contact, we are still friendly and our breakup was amicable. He called me because they want to have a baby and want me to carry the baby for them. I have since married and have two small children of my own. I was flattered that they thought of me and I’m open to doing it, but my husband thinks it is a terrible idea. He worries how our kids will react if I’m pregnant but “giving away” the baby. I told him that kids are adaptable and we can explain it to them in a way they would understand. I think the real issue is that he thinks it’s weird how my ex is trying to insert himself into my life. He wants nothing to do with any of this. What do you think the best plan of action is here? – CARRIED AWAY

DEAR CARRIED AWAY: What matters more to you? Your marriage or carrying your ex’s baby? At the end of the day, this is no small request. Pregnancy – and I don’t need to tell you this  – is a huge, transformative undertaking that can be dangerous. Considering the lack of quality maternal healthcare in this country, your health and wellbeing should be factored into this equation. Do you want to take on this unnecessary risk with two little kids of your own that need their mother? Look at the bigger picture and what really matters to you when making this decision. I’m not sure it’s a risk I would be willing to take when there is so much at stake. 

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Check out her radio show every Saturday from 2-5pm EST on KDKA Radio 1020AM, 100.1FM, stream it on the

Audacy app or at www.kdkaradio.com

Watch her award-winning video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Facts Over Fear: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram @NatalieBencivenga

and on TikTok @NatalieBencivenga