DEAR NATALIE: I met this wonderful guy and we dated for about two years. Then, out of the blue one day, he broke things off. He said that “we wanted different things,” because I wanted children and he didn’t. Well, I’ve been single for about a year and a half and I recently saw him out. He was pushing a stroller. He just had a baby with his “new girlfriend.” I was really taken aback. I was deeply in love with this man and thought he was ‘the one.’ Truth be told, I never got over him and seeing him with a new partner and a baby really struck me hard. It was incredibly awkward. He knew I was upset. He texted me after and asked me if I wanted to get a coffee and talk. I don’t know what to do. Part of me almost wants closure but then what if I just get in even deeper? He said the situation with his new girlfriend “is less than ideal.” What should I do? 

– AFRAID TO FALL IN LOVE (AGAIN)

DEAR AFRAID TO FALL IN LOVE (AGAIN): You should under no circumstances meet this walking red flag for any reason. Not only did he break up with you, turn right around and get with someone else and have a baby which he said he didn’t want when he was with you – he also disrespected his current partner while speaking with you. The fact that he is bad mouthing his relationship right off the bat after seeing you shows that this guy is a toxic mess. He made his bed and he can lie in it. You need to find a way forward and heal from him. Inviting him back into your life is only going to end in deeper heartache for you. Run, don’t walk, as fast as you can. 

DEAR NATALIE: My friend borrowed a substantial amount of money from me when they were falling behind on their rent a few months back. (It was about $1500 dollars) and they said they would pay me back in installments once they got back on their feet. They have since gotten a new job and so I asked them when they would be able to start paying me back? My friend got really upset and texted me saying that I was catching him at a vulnerable time and it was inappropriate to ask them financial questions right now. I was so confused. I wrote back, “What do you mean? You told me once you got a new job, you would start paying me back $200 a month until it was paid in full, plus an additional $150 as ‘interest.’” They wrote me back and said, “There’s no way I can start doing that right now. I can let you know in a few more months.” I feel really duped by them. We had a plan and now that they have the money, they aren’t following through. How should I proceed? I care about our friendship but I also feel as though I was just taken advantage of. Should I threaten legal action? I worry that will ruin our relationship even further. Any ideas? – HE OWES ME MONEY

DEAR E OWES ME MONEY: There is that old saying, “Money and friends don’t mix.” Now you see why. I have always said that if you are going to loan money to a friend or a family member, think of it in your mind as a gift you are willing to give. Don’t loan money you can’t afford to lose, either. Unfortunately, your friend did take advantage of your good heart and you most likely won’t see that money (at least for a long while). If you want to salvage the relationship, you need to talk with him and get on the same page about the reality of the situation. Can he even afford to pay you back right now? As far as taking legal action, it is going to cost more for you to retain a lawyer than the money owed. I would try to discuss this with him first as a friend and see if you can get on a payment plan in the next six months so that you can both feel as though progress is being made. In the future, don’t loan any more money out you aren’t willing to let go of. 

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Check out her radio show every Saturday from 2-5pm EST on KDKA Radio 1020AM, 100.1FM, stream it on the

Audacy app or at www.kdkaradio.com

Watch her award-winning video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Facts Over Fear: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram @NatalieBencivenga

and on TikTok @NatalieBencivenga

DEAR NATALIE: I went home for Thanksgiving and I remember why I never go home. My mother was exceptionally mean to me this holiday, calling me out for “putting on some pudge” and “looking old and tired” when I showed up after working at the hospital all night to get to her place. She lives alone. My dad died a few years back and he was really the glue that kept us all together. My brother doesn’t go home at all and didn’t even call this year. My mother can be verbally abusive but I have always felt sorry for her. Who is going to take care of her? I think her mind is starting to go a bit. I kept noticing her telling me the same stories over and over again. When I would mention that she had already shared that, she would just snap at me. My husband said that he hates seeing me with her because she is so nasty to me. She cries to me how no one comes to visit and how angry she is at my brother. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, but I hate feeling like this. Any advice on how to navigate her better? – MEAN MOTHER, SAD DAUGHTER

DEAR MEAN MOTHER, SAD DAUGHTER: Just because you feel sorry for someone doesn’t mean that you have to give in to their toxicity. You can love your mom from a healthy distance. It sounds as though she is an unhappy person who has taken out her frustrations with her own life onto the people who are closest to her. Why should you have to bear the brunt of her abusive nature? You don’t owe her that. If you are worried about her, encourage her to go to see a neurologist. Beyond that, what is something you can do regularly that will help you feel connected but also safe? Can you call her twice a month? Visit once every other month for a day? What is a healthy distance that you need? Setting up some boundaries can help you feel more in control of the situation with her. If she lashes out at you on the phone, you are allowed to say to her, “Mom, I’m ending the call if you continue to talk to me that way.” If she continues, you are allowed to hang up. I applaud you for wanting to do right by her. I understand the complexities of relationships with parents. But you are not her punching bag or her doormat. If she can’t treat you with a basic level of decency or respect, you are allowed to walk away and reconnect with her on your own terms. 

DEAR NATALIE: My boyfriend had never been to my parent’s home in rural Pennsylvania and I think I may have “downplayed” their Trump obsession. He and I are very liberal and when we got to the house, they had this huge Trump-themed banner across their garage. I think he was really shocked. He had only met them at my sister’s wedding earlier in the year and they were perfectly nice. I mean, they are perfectly nice, but talking to them about politics is always doom and gloom. I keep telling them that the news stations that they watch are only providing a specific side of the story, but they don’t want to hear that. They think I’ll “grow out of” being liberal like they did. That’s right. They were peace-loving hippies back in the day. Not sure what happened. My boyfriend has been acting really strange ever since we got back from our trip. We were with my parents for three days and I think it was two days too many for him.  I’m worried he’s going to break up with me. I know he’s super close to his family but maybe mine is just too much for him to take. What do you think I should do? Should I bring this up to him that I’m feeling distant? –  NOT A TRUMPER

DEAR NOT A TRUMPER: You need to talk to your boyfriend and share with him your concerns. If you feel this way, then something is going on. I don’t know how often you visit your family or how close you are with them, but whatever your dynamic is, now would be a good time to share it with your boyfriend. If you are serious about a future together, then he deserves to know what to expect moving forward. Can you set up boundaries so that you don’t spend multiple days with them? If you do go to visit, are you able to stay somewhere else so you don’t have to be at their home? If your parents ask you why you aren’t around more, are you willing to share with them how you feel? I hate seeing how political differences are tearing apart families. You are not the only person to write me a similar letter. The sad part is, as people’s views become more extreme and violent, it becomes harder to ignore them. Give yourself space and prioritize your partner for now. If he knows that you are both on the same team, it may be easier to find a way forward.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Check out her new radio show every Saturday from 2-5pm EST on KDKA Radio 1020AM, 100.1FM, stream it on the

Audacy app or at www.kdkaradio.com

Watch her award-winning video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Facts Over Fear: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram @NatalieBencivenga

and on TikTok @NatalieBencivenga

DEAR NATALIE: My wife and I decided when we got married that I would go to work and she would stay home and raise our children. Our kids are now 12 and 15, and she’s hinting to me that she wants to start looking for a part-time job. She said that we need the money (which we do not) and that she is “bored.” The kids have a lot of their own activities and interests and she says that being a stay-at-home-mom feels antiquated. I do not agree with her working outside the home and it has created a lot of stress for me. She is moody and passive aggressive. I told her that she agreed to these terms when we married or I would not have married her. She now wants to go to marriage counseling. Do I go along with this? I want her to be happy but I’m perplexed as to why she is trying to change the rules now. – STAY HOME

DEAR STAY HOME: What exactly will you lose if she takes on a part-time job besides a “moody” and “passive aggressive” wife? Isn’t marriage about bringing out the best in one another and supporting each other’s dreams? Fifteen years is a long time to be in full-time mom-mode. Having her own sense of self and identity outside of the family home doesn’t take anything away from you or the kids. In fact, if she feels fulfilled and happy because she is finding herself again in the world, she will be a happier person at home, too. What is your fear of letting go of control? The kids are going to grow up. Then what? Divorce? Show her that you can evolve, participate in therapy, understand where she is coming from and perhaps your marriage will blossom in new and unexpected ways instead of withering on the vine as it seems to be doing now.

DEAR NATALIE: My girlfriend told me the other night that she has developed feelings for her co-worker. Well, actually, her boss. They have a “flirty” dynamic, but I never thought that it was anything I needed to worry about. She said she’s been guilt-ridden about it, and she “can’t control” how she feels. She claims that she still loves me and isn’t sure what to do. I told her that I didn’t feel comfortable with any of this and then she said that we should break up. We live together, we have two dogs together and we were planning on marrying. I feel like she is just allowing a stupid crush to dictate her whole future and then when I called her out on it, she had a knee-jerk reaction to end things. I’m so confused. She told me she wanted some space, so I am staying at my parents’ home for a few nights to figure this out. What do you think we should do? –THROWING IT ALL AWAY 

DEAR THROWING IT ALL AWAY: If she jumped from “it’s a crush” to “we should break up,” I am afraid that you aren’t salvaging this relationship. Perhaps this was her attempt to get out of the relationship. If she wanted to work on things, then she would not have jumped so quickly to the break-up conversation. I know it can be difficult to hear, but you don’t want to be with someone whose heart isn’t in it. You deserve to be loved completely and treated with respect. If she was unhappy, she should have been direct about it, but people aren’t always able to share what they feel. So, they self-sabotage instead. Cut your losses and walk away from this. I don’t see it heading anywhere good.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Check out her radio show every Saturday from 2-5pm EST on KDKA Radio 1020AM, 100.1FM, stream it on the

Audacy app or at www.kdkaradio.com

Watch her award-winning video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Facts Over Fear: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram @NatalieBencivenga

and on TikTok @NatalieBencivenga