DEAR NATALIE: My daughter and her boyfriend recently bought an RV to renovate and drive across the country. I’m glad that she’s so free-spirited, but I can’t help but worry about what she’ll do in the long run. She doesn’t seem to have any interest in getting a stable job, buying property, and settling down like my husband and I did. She always tells me that her generation won’t have the luxury of ever retiring anyway, so they might as well live how they want to now. She seems deeply afraid of the future, and a bit nihilistic about it all. She doesn’t even want to have children because she thinks they’ll be too burdened with the problems of climate change. I think she’s being dramatic. I know we grew up in different worlds, but I think the economy and government will become stable again just like they always have. I’m not very political, so I don’t like to argue with her, but I think this generation has too much distrust in the government even though she seems perfectly happy to get her food stamps and get free health care. How can I encourage her to prepare for the real world? How can I change her mind about all of this negativity? – WORRIED MOTHER 

DEAR WORRIED MOTHER: While I understand your concerns, the world your daughter is inheriting – and those coming up younger than her – is going to look drastically different from the world you know. Climate change is here, it’s causing severe problems and it will only get worse as long as multinational corporations and governments continue to ignore, belittle and debate what is happening. You may not be into politics, but politics is infiltrating every aspect of your life, including that of your relationship with your daughter. And while I believe her nihilism is rooted in reality, as we all know, that way of thinking will get us nowhere. Instead of criticizing her for these feelings, why not ask her to engage in some form of service that could uplift you both and create a point of connection? Right now she may want that sense of the open road, but eventually, she may want to settle down. Will she be in a position to buy property? Who knows. I don’t know many who are right now, and they have stable jobs. While we don’t know what the future may bring, we can work on things within our control and how you show up in your relationship with her is one of them. Try asking her openly and without judgment how she feels she is contributing to building a better world. You may be surprised by her answer. Talk to her about her passions, see where you intersect, and find a volunteer opportunity where you can both feel good and do good together. Build on that. 

DEAR NATALIE: Our family’s dog was recently hit by a car and tragically killed. Our young kids (ages four and seven) are heartbroken, as are my partner and I. We got this dog early in our relationship, and while she was older, she would have had a long beautiful life to live. My kids are ready for a new dog because they miss their friend, but my partner and I aren’t ready to move on yet. We don’t want the new dog to feel like a replacement, and we think this wound needs to heal a bit before we welcome a new animal into our lives. We don’t have time to train a puppy, and need to reassess what kind of dog makes the most sense for our lifestyle now. Honestly, another dog may not make sense anytime soon, which is painful for us to admit. In the meantime, we are trying to get our kids to spend time with other family friends’ dogs to ease their pain. How can we know when the time is right to get a new dog, or even consider bringing another "fur-ever" friend into our lives? – SAD OVER FUR BABY

DEAR SAD OVE FUR BABY: I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your pet. Our furry friends become family members and it can be devastating to lose someone so dear to you. I always think that animals mark chapters in our lives and this kind of loss can stir up a lot of feelings about ourselves, our past and our paths. Take the time you need. Your children are small and while they may be ready, you are the adults in the home. In the meantime, I think you have the right idea by letting them spend time with friends who have pets. Fostering a pet could be another way of bridging the gap – but I don’t know how attached littles may get to a pet that they can’t keep, so maybe save that idea for when they are both a bit bigger. If and when the time is right, you will know. This is what a lot of my friends have said to me over the years after losing a pet and, in time, getting a new one. Grief is an ongoing process, but time can be a great healer. Your desire comes back to both help an animal in need, and to have that type of love and affection once more. 

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DEAR NATALIE: My wife has been ill for some time and while I love her deeply, we aren’t able to be intimate at this point in our lives. The thought of not having sex for months – or even years – has me incredibly nervous. Trying to be proactive, I started looking online for sex dolls. I thought this would be a fine compromise. I ordered one recently and while I haven’t had the nerve yet to engage with it, I’m more anxious about telling my wife that it exists. We don’t sleep in the same bedroom due to her health issues, but I am honestly feeling like having ordered the doll makes me a “cheater.” I think telling her would hurt her feelings. At the same time, I don’t want to hide things from her. Only my best friend knows and he said it’s not a big deal and that I shouldn’t tell her. He’s divorced, so it's easy for him to say. I don’t know how long my wife has left and I don’t want to feel even worse about her situation than I know she already does. What should I do? – SEX DOLL OR DON’T

DEAR SEX DOLL OR DON’T: I am so sorry to hear about your wife and what this has done to your marriage. I feel for both of you. It is important to remember, however, that your sexuality belongs to you. Having sexual desires is a part of being human, and is nothing to be ashamed of. While we share ourselves with our partners, you still belong to you. What do you consider cheating? Does this object keep you from cheating? In the past, how have you communicated about your sex life together? These are a few of the questions that swirled through my mind after reading your letter. The boundaries you set up in your marriage are the ones that will help you answer these questions. If you tell her and she says not to use it, then what? Would you use it behind her back? Would that cause you or her harm if you did? Is it fair for her to even make that demand on you? While she is sick, she must understand that you have needs. As long as you are attentive and loving when you spend time with her and don’t allow this object to come between you, what is the harm? If you don’t tell her, will you feel guilty? Will that guilt lead you to tell her, anyway? It sounds as though you care deeply for your wife and love her. Just be honest with her about where you are. She may feel sad or rejected. She may feel hurt that she isn’t able to give to you in that way. She may feel relief. You really won’t know until you discuss it. Put it on the table and see what happens. The conversation – not the doll.   

DEAR NATALIE: My husband, Dylan, was caught cheating on me by his brother. Dylan had taken his girlfriend out to dinner and his brother happened to be at the restaurant. His brother assumed they were just friends and so he told me what he saw. When I confronted my husband, he broke down and admitted that he has been seeing this other woman for three years. Three. Years. We’ve been married 12 years and I thought we were happy. We have two little girls. Needless to say, I am heartbroken and disgusted that he could lie to me for so long. What’s worse, the woman didn’t know about me. When she found out, she dumped him. I know all of this to be true because she called me to apologize. She was furious with Dylan. He travels a lot for work so I assumed his business dinners or weekends away from the family were for work. Many of them were not. Now that she has left him, he is begging me for a second chance. I am torn. I am so hurt and furious with him, but I still love him and I am thinking of our children. What should I do? My friends think I’m crazy for even considering it. What do you think? – IN LOVE LIMBO

DEAR IN LOVE LIMBO: No one should dictate how you want to approach your marriage or his infidelity. If you feel as though you need to try all the options before deciding whether to stay or go, then do that. Go to therapy. Make sure he does, too. Try couples counseling. Have the hard conversations. Take a family vacation. Do whatever it is that you need to do to feel as though you have regained some power here. Remember, he’s the one that needs to prove to you that things can be different. What led him to cheat in the first place, and can those conditions change in the future? What concerns me is not only that he had a years-long affair, but that he lied to both of you about it. This duplicity is a huge red flag for me. I'm glad you recognize that his (now ex) girlfriend is your ally, not your enemy, in this. You deserve to have control in terms of what happens next. The words “I’m sorry” are easy to say. Repairing the damage and rebuilding trust takes a lot longer. Let’s see if he can actually walk the walk. In the meantime, he needs to walk over to the couch where he will be sleeping for the foreseeable future. But, if it was me? All his clothes would be on the front lawn by now. And I’d be running the mower.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

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DEAR NATALIE: In 2021, four of my "best friends'' and I started a business. We split the starting capital of $8,000 evenly and set up the LLC as 20% owners. Friend “A” was unemployed and wanted to work on the business full time, handling the brunt of the day-to-day work. Friend “B” was employed, but after our first event was a success, they decided they would quit and start working for the LLC full-time. Friend “C” was employed full-time and made it clear they had limited time to commit to the business. Friend “D” was pregnant and an independent contractor who also had limited involvement in business after getting it up and running. We worked for several months before our first event, which was an undeniable success. Shortly after, friend “D” had her child. It was also around this time “A” and “B” attempted to be punitive towards “C” and “D” because they felt resentful that they were doing most of the work, and it was harder than they had anticipated. We had been paying ourselves $1,000 for each event (as our revenue was in the $30,000 - $60,000 range per event) to this point. Friends “A” and “B” started pushing "buy-outs" on friends “C” and “D” claiming it was the fair and moral thing to do. Natalie, by our fourth event we had revenue of over $150,000! Their buyout offers were for $5,000 and $8,000 respectively -- those numbers have never been explained. “C” and “D” were shocked and stated they were not interested in selling. They felt that “A” and “B” should get paid employee salaries, and all owners should maintain guaranteed payments of $1,000 per event. Overall profits could be split at the end of the year. After this, since they did not agree,  friends “A” and “B” hijacked the bank accounts and have not paid the other owners a dime since. They are of the opinion that they are in the right and that “C” and “D” should just take what was offered to them. Natalie, our business has now made over $1 million in revenue and “A” and “B” still think $5,000 and $8,000 are fair offers. Meanwhile, “C” and “D”  have not seen any return on their investments, while “A” and “B” pay themselves whatever they want and have access to thousands of dollars in the piggy bank of cash per event. While it may be inevitable, all four would like to avoid court. There was never an operating agreement put in place. What are your thoughts? Does this situation entitle “A” and “B” to the entirety of the company? “C” and “D” never promised to be involved day to day and were vocal about that from the beginning to manage expectations. Did “A” and “B” let their greed and ego take over once they saw how much money the business was making? Who's being unreasonable here? Your insights are appreciated. – “E”

DEAR E: As someone who has started two businesses – and one with a partner – it is imperative that you get everything in writing. You have to establish everyone’s roles and responsibilities, their share of the company, and many other components that go into having a healthy working relationship. This is even more important if you start off as friends. Think of your operating agreement as your business prenup. Everything is laid out ahead of time so that there are no surprises. Yes, this means you have to connect with a lawyer and spend the money. Now that you are in this situation, there are two ways to play this. Either you agree to use the company money to pay a lawyer to work up an agreement that is beneficial for all parties involved, or you go to court. The fact that “A” and “B” have hijacked the account is of real concern to me. The disrespect that they have shown the rest of the partners cannot be understated. Do you even want to continue with “A” and “B”? Is it a better solution to dissolve the company and work with “C” and “D” on a new venture? “A” and “B” aren’t “entitled” to anything. This is a classic case of greed ruining relationships. It would have made more sense to have “A” and “B” take salaries since they were working full-time and pay everyone as an owner their share of the profits. Instead, they have stolen from people, denied their partners compensation, and even further attempted to gaslight everyone into thinking that they are blameless. The bigger question is: Why work with them moving forward? 

DEAR NATALIE: My daughter has talked to me about her relationship with her college professor – he’s being helpful to her academically speaking, but I’m wondering if it’s crossing lines. She’s told me that they spend a lot of time together off-campus. For instance, he’ll be alone for the holidays and has invited her to spend time with him, since she won’t be traveling home to spend it with us. She’s an adult who can make her own choices and navigate her own relationships, but I’m nervous that an inappropriate relationship may reflect negatively upon her, and that he won’t suffer any of the consequences.

– CONCERNED MOTHER

DEAR CONCERNED MOTHER: Tale as old as time, isn’t it? Man in a position of authority falls for a young woman. Relationship ensues and (most likely ends) in a mess. Mom cleans up said mess and comforts daughter. Man continues on, unscathed. Cynical? Yes. Accurate? Also yes. Is there anything you can do? No, not really. If he does show interest in her – she could speak well beyond her years and say that while she is flattered, it isn’t appropriate for her to date him while she’s his student. Once the semester ends, however, things could be different. Will she do that? Who knows? Should it be on her to do that? Absolutely not. Like my grandma always said, “Men think with the wrong head.” You’ve given her your advice but you can’t live her life. The most you can do is be a source of support to her by keeping the door for conversation open. Maybe you can offer her your experience in a similar situation from when you were younger, without getting too preachy. Part of life is the mistakes we make, what we learn and how we grow from them. I wish we could protect everyone we love, but we have to let them go and see what happens. People do surprise me. Maybe things will turn out better than you think.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

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Follow her on Twitter

@NatalieBenci

Check out her weekly shows

“Ask Natalie” and “Facts Over Fear” on

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