DEAR NATALIE: Recently, I was at a work event with my business partner (who is a dear friend) and her husband. When she stepped away, he reached over and told me that he’s had a “crush on me for years.” I was shocked to say the least. I am newly divorced and sorting things out. When I told him that I wasn’t interested, he just shrugged and walked away. My business partner asked me what he had said, and I just mumbled that it was something about the event. I don’t think she believed me, but I shut it down. Well, he called me last night. He begged me not to repeat what he said to me. He didn’t deny how he felt, but he just kept saying, “She can’t know. Please don’t tell her.” I told him I wouldn’t, but I feel sick about the whole thing. Does she have a right to know? I now feel so uncomfortable around him and it’s so awkward. How can I keep on like nothing happened? -SILENCE ISN’T GOLDEN
DEAR SILENCE ISN’T GOLDEN: Yikes. This is awkward because not only are you friends, but this is your business partner. If things were to come out, it could really destroy everything you are building. I would bite my tongue on this one. If he never brings it up again and doesn’t act inappropriately moving forward, then just try to put it behind you. Of course, that means you may not want to socialize with him for a while until things cool off, but that’s probably for the best. If something is going on in their marriage, you will probably find out about it sooner or later. Why put yourself through a nightmare if you don’t have to? He was wrong to do what he did. It was reckless and gross. His quick reaction to be remorseful makes me think that he does realize what is at stake and at least he acknowledged that. Steer clear of him for now. Focus on the business and work towards your goals. If he tries anything again, however, you may have to take it to the next level and let her know. Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.
DEAR NATALIE: My boyfriend has this annoying habit that whenever I don’t want him to touch me, he purposefully hangs on me in public. I am not into PDA. He knows this. He is very needy. I know this. We made a pact that when we are in private I give him the attention he needs, but in public he gives me the space that I need. But, whenever I am annoyed with him, he likes to make it worse by trying to hug or kiss me in front of people. I don’t feel comfortable with that at all. He likes to play the victim and make me feel bad. He’ll say things like, “I’ll go find it somewhere else if you won’t give it to me.” The other night we were in a big argument over this and I am sick and tired of it. I don’t know how else to explain to him that I don’t like PDA. What should I do to make him understand? -NO TOUCHING, PLEASE
DEAR NO TOUCHING, PLEASE: I don’t care for how he is speaking to you on this topic. You clearly stated boundaries around PDA. You offered a compromise. He doesn’t seem to want to respect it. By vaguely threatening to cheat on you if he doesn’t get what he wants is a huge red flag to me. I would stop this in its tracks now before this behavior worsens. Say to him, “If you can’t respect the boundaries we have created together and discussed, then I don’t know how we move forward. I don’t want to be with someone who threatens to leave me or cheat on me when they don’t get their way. If this is a deal breaker for you, tell me. We don’t have to be together.” See what he says. If he is taken aback, good. Maybe he needs to recognize that words have power. We shouldn’t say things we don’t mean. If his behavior continues, then you need to reevaluate if it is worth living with someone who doesn’t respect you or your need for personal space. Why be unhappy? Life is too short.
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