DEAR NATALIE: My friend recently had a baby about eight months ago and she asked me to babysit so that she could attend a work event. I said that I would be happy to do that and asked her if there were any “rules” while I was with the baby. Meaning, should I bathe her at a certain time, feed her at a certain time … those kinds of things. She left me a list of things to do while she was gone. We were laying on the couch together – me and the baby – and I turned my body for a moment and she fell off the couch. It was horrible. She was totally OK, but I felt so bad. She was crying, I was crying … it was a mess. I finally got her to calm down and put her to bed in her crib. I explained what happened to my friend when she got home from the event. She was livid. She didn’t know why I would have the baby laying on the couch with me in the first place. But the baby and I were having a really great evening. I don’t even know how it happened, it was so fast. She took her to the pediatrician the next morning to be safe. The doctor said she was fine. But now my friend won’t speak to me. She is really upset. I get it, but I don’t know how to smooth this over. I love her and her daughter. It was a total accident. Is there any way to make it up to her? - BABYSITTER BLUES
DEAR BABYSITTER BLUES: Thank goodness the baby wasn’t hurt. Like any new parent, she is being very protective – and that is understandable. I would just give this some time. Once a few weeks have passed, perhaps send flowers or a gift with a note. Let her know that you love her and her daughter very much, and you didn’t mean to cause any stress or harm. You wanted to give her space because you understand why she would be upset, but that you hope in time that she can forgive you. There really isn’t much else you can do. Wait it out. She’ll come around. Just don’t act surprised if you never babysit again — or at least for a while.
DEAR NATALIE: I lost both of my parents to COVID in 2021. It has been an incredibly challenging time for my family. It has created so much anxiety for my kids. They are afraid that they will get sick and die from it, as well. They are teens and have been able to be vaccinated, but my younger son has been seeing a therapist to help cope with the trauma of the past two years. My husband has been less supportive of this, and he feels that too much therapy is making our son “less of a man.” I have been trying to explain to him that the therapy is helping him process his emotions in a constructive way. My husband has been very judgmental about the whole thing and will even make fun of my son for going. I am not sure how to handle this. I am a nurse and work a lot of night shifts. My husband is in charge of taking my son to therapy, which is problematic. I am not sure what to do because my son really likes this therapist. What can I do to make this easier for everyone? -UPSET MOTHER
DEAR UPSET MOTHER: I am so sorry for your losses. Grieving the death of one parent is transformative enough – but both so close together? Please give yourself the support you need during this time. I applaud you for extending that grace to your son, as well. I feel sorry for your husband because he is trapped in a cycle of toxic masculinity. Ignoring and repressing your emotions doesn’t make you strong. It makes you vulnerable to unhealthy behaviors and habits. Because he is causing stress for your son, I would talk to his therapist and see if he can do virtual therapy sessions. If you have a computer and internet at home, or if he can use his smartphone, he could connect to his therapist that way. Then, your husband doesn’t need to be involved in transporting him – so less anxiety all around. I hope your son is able to continue to receive the support he needs – and I hope your husband gets help someday, too.
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