DEAR NATALIE: Is it possible to be in love with two people at once? I met a wonderful man recently and we have been dating for six months. He is sweet and loving and checks all the boxes. But then recently, my ex came back into the picture. The reason we broke up was because he moved away for a big job opportunity. Well, he has since relocated back to my city and wants to see me again. He was my first real love and I’m honestly falling for him again, too. They don’t know about each other and I’m a terrible liar so I know this can’t last long, but how do I decide? They are both very different men but either would make a great husband. Any ideas on how to figure this out? –TORN 

DEAR TORN: This is the classic triangle. One man represents your past, the other – the future. No matter what you decide, you may always wonder “what could have been.” The question to ask yourself is: “Who has the same vision of the future that I do?” Love is a big part of a lasting relationship, but you need someone who is your teammate – not your adversary. You need someone who believes in you and supports your dreams. Who makes you a better person? Who challenges you when they need to? Who helps you to be vulnerable and open and brings you back to yourself? Remember that the past always has a rosy glow to it, as well. First loves can hold such sweet memories for us, but in this moment – is your ex-boyfriend your future or just a romantic daydream of what once was?

DEAR NATALIE: My ex-husband is getting remarried. We had an incredibly amicable divorce and we co-parent very well. His fiancé is not necessarily my favorite person, but I deal with her well enough. She doesn’t have a lot of friends and has asked me to be in the bridal party. My kids, who are 15 and 17, think this is nuts. I feel very conflicted. I don’t think it is appropriate for me to attend the wedding, let alone stand up there while they recite their vows. I tried to explain this to her, but she just started to cry, saying how “strong of a woman I am” and “how I inspire her,” etc. It’s like she needs my blessing. I am not sure what to do. I haven’t talked to my ex about it, yet. I think he will also find this all very strange. How do I politely remove myself from what could be a very stressful and embarrassing situation for all of us? —YOU DO, I DON’T

DEAR YOU DO, I DON’T: This is a hard pass for me. I can’t imagine going to my ex’s wedding, let alone being in the bridal party. What a strange request to make of you – and wildly inappropriate, too. I would chalk this up to the fact that she is having pre-wedding anxiety. Gently let her down after you tell your ex-husband what is happening. Say to him that you are very flattered, but you don’t feel that this is appropriate. While I appreciate how the rules have changed when it comes to “consciously decoupling,” that is still a lot to ask of you. She is overstepping her boundaries and there is nothing wrong with you drawing a line in the sand. Send a gift and stay home – preferably with a glass of champagne and a bubble bath.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

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“Heating Up Show” on YouTube.

DEAR NATALIE: My sister and I get along great. However, she and her husband copy everything my boyfriend and I do. It’s so annoying. If my boyfriend and I mention anything we do or anywhere we go, my sister and her husband go and do the exact same thing. They want to live in the same neighborhood where we live, golf where we golf (even though it is very out of their way) and eat where we eat. They traveled where we’ve traveled and stayed at the exact same hotel as us. They want to use our realtor. What’s even worse is that they act like some of our good friends that they’ve only met once or twice are “great friends of theirs,” as well. I know imitation is a form of flattery and they’re probably just trusting our judgement, but it's annoying when my boyfriend and I do months of research and they just sweep in after us. It’s like they’re using us because we’ve already done the hard work for them. We love doing things with them, but we would like to keep little things just for us. I know we can’t gate-keep these things but It’s gotten to the point where we don’t even want to tell them any plans we have. How do I address this?– SOMETHING TO CALL MY OWN

DEAR SOMETHING TO CALL MY OWN: There may be some things you need to keep offline, off the radar and to yourselves if you really want to have something of your own. It does seem like they are just enamored with your life choices! But I can also see how this would be annoying after a while. I don’t think it is worth having a conversation with your sister, though. It will most likely cause hurt feelings and ruffle feathers – and for what? Instead, accept it as flattering, and don’t share everything you do for a while. See if that helps to create more of a natural boundary. This isn’t worth fighting about.

DEAR NATALIE: I recently moved in with my girlfriend and I absolutely hate living together. I didn’t realize what it would be like. We’ve been together three years and with the pandemic, we spent a lot of time together. It just made sense to get a bigger place together. I love her. But I feel completely suffocated. Part of the issue is that we work for the same company and we both work at home. We never have any time apart. She doesn’t appear to be bothered by it, but I feel like the walls are caving in on me. She’s also really messy – and I’m much more organized – so I am also tired of picking up after her or doing all the dishes or cleaning up after the dog. Is there any way to back out of this without causing a breakup? — DIRTY DISHES ARE A DEALBREAKER

DEAR DIRTY DISHES ARE A DEALBREAKER: If you don’t like living together, why not sit down first before you do anything drastic and tell her how you are feeling. I hear that you are feeling overwhelmed, suffocated and frustrated. It seems as though some of this tension can be remedied if you share what you need now that you are living together. You could start the conversation by saying, “Now that we have moved in together, I’m noticing some things that I wanted to address so that we can both feel good about this arrangement.” This way, you aren’t being accusatory. If the chores aren’t being divided in a way that is healthy for you both, naturally resentment will build up. If you need space and time apart, that is healthy and normal. Address these issues together before you make any rash decisions. Who knows? She may be feeling similarly and afraid to talk about it. Take the next step in a way that puts you both on the same team and not as adversaries in the same house.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter

@NatalieBenci and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

Check out her web series:

“Heating Up Show” on YouTube.

DEAR NATALIE: My wonderful (and much older) husband of over 20 years has two grown children who are so ungrateful and stingy with him that neither of them sent him a card, gift, or even called him on Christmas this year. He has been exceptionally generous with them over the years and they owe their wealth to him.  Their "love" for him boils down to money and if they don't think he gave them enough of it, they let him know.  His eldest has even threatened to sue him, sending several demand letters from their attorney, because they felt that they were due more from the sale of a house that my husband owned. I know it hurts him to realize that they are consumed with concern over his money and are probably just waiting for him to pass away.  He has set up insurance policies and irrevocable trusts for them so they know that their bad behavior will not affect their inheritance because it is ground in stone.  I have never heard him raise his voice or express anger towards them, but I think it is time for him to do so. I have never said anything to them as my hands are tied because they are technically not my kids. They have never recognized me as a stepmother.  Do you think that he should call them out on this, maybe raise his voice, or stop communicating with them until they discontinue the poor behavior and drop lawsuits? – GRINCHES WHO STOLE CHRISTMAS

DEAR GRINCHES WHO STOLE CHRISTMAS: I appreciate how protective you are for your husband. But this is his battle. If he doesn’t want to yell – and at his age that may be for the best – you may just have to let this go. His kids sound horrible. There is no debating that! But his reaction to them may be layered. Perhaps he wasn’t as present as he wanted to be when they were younger. He may feel guilt. He may feel sad that he didn’t have a connection with them. This, in turn, may be why he stays silent even though his heart breaks. At this point in their relationship, I doubt anything will change. The best thing that you can do is to remind him of how loved he is, how much you care about him and shield him from his kids’ venom whenever possible. If having less contact with them is appropriate, then do that. He’s not under any obligation to give them lavish gifts while he is alive – especially since they have been written into the will. But it is his choice. It can be difficult to see someone you love being treated poorly but starting a fight with him over this will only alienate him further. I would just avoid talking about them and keep the focus on positive things. The rest is up to them. 

DEAR NATALIE: Our son recently asked an older twice-divorced woman with three small children to go “steady.”  My husband and I raised our son to be caring and thoughtful. He is a great person but has not had luck in past relationships. We are not happy with his decision to be with this woman and have expressed our thoughts to him. He has respectfully apologized but says that it's his choice.  We would be more accepting if she had less children, and our son has always said he didn’t want children.  We are sad that his dreams and goals have changed since his last break up. He did not finish college as planned and is just satisfied working in the same place that this new woman works. We are cautious in not pushing our disagreement with his situation, because his last broken relationships left him depressed. But we feel he has not made a good choice in dating this woman and could end up emotionally scarred. He is living on his own and visits us once a week without her for he knows we do not want to have a relationship with her.  Are we wrong in our thoughts and actions? What would be the correct reaction from us? — AT A LOSS

DEAR AT A LOSS: I don’t think parents can ever stop being parents. They always want what is best for their kids, no matter the age. In this case, protecting him may actually just drive him further into her arms. You should meet her. He may feel as though he has to hide big parts of his life from you right now, creating distance between you that doesn’t need to be there. You don’t have to like who he is with, but you need to respect his autonomy. He is going to work where he wants, date who he wants and live how he chooses. As parents, all you can do is provide him support, love and understanding. If things don’t work out, he is lucky to have you both to be there for him. But don’t use his past relationships to judge the present one. If she makes him happy and treats him with respect and with love, what else really matters?

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter

@NatalieBenci and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

Check out her web series:

“Heating Up Show” on YouTube.