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by Abigail Van Buren

Overbearing Boyfriend Ruins Family Get-Togethers

DEAR ABBY: We get our children and grandchildren together twice a year. Our oldest daughter is divorced and, unfortunately, has a significant other the rest of our family cannot stand. He's an arrogant, competitive know-it-all.

We have been around him only twice -- the last two times the family got together. The second time was a disaster for the rest of us. Should we tell her we don't want to invite him this year, and how do we say it? Or should we not tell her? -- TENTATIVE IN FLORIDA

DEAR TENTATIVE: Talk to your daughter about this. When you do, have handy a list of the ways he offended your family members at the gathering. Her significant other may be so self-centered he doesn't realize he's being obnoxious.

Ask her to ask him to dial back his need to compete, impress, cover for his own insecurity -- whatever drives him. Then give him one more chance. If that fails, do not invite him again, and tell her why. You can always see your daughter separately, I assume, and so can her siblings.

Read more in: Family & Parenting | Etiquette & Ethics