DEAR ABBY: I'm a middle-aged woman needing to know what to do. I have family members who say if I weren't around, things would be a lot better. I was told from the beginning that I was a "mistake." I am wondering, should I stay hurt with them for saying these things, or should I let it go?
They are always saying I will never amount to anything. When I say something to them about the way they make me feel, they tell me to be quiet and mind my own business. Should I tell them how I feel or what? -- DEVALUED IN THE SOUTH
DEAR DEVALUED: A family member (!) who would say something so cruel as what you have described is someone you should avoid contact with, if possible. It's very important that you spend time with people -- other family members or friends -- who help you to feel better about yourself rather than worse.
Should you tell these family members how you feel? Ordinarily, I would say yes. However, because you have already done that, I don't think it would enlighten them. Believe me, you have my sympathy because these relatives are toxic.