DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have two children. We have been married for 14 years, the last six of which have been sexless and loveless. We tried counseling, and I have threatened divorce, but nothing has changed.
After I finally realized that I couldn't change him, I changed myself. I started stepping out and having sexual relations with other men. He recently found out about my affairs but hasn't said a word about it to me. I'm to the point that I wish he would confront me and divorce me, but he acts like nothing is wrong in our marriage! I'm confused. What do you recommend I do next? -- LOOKING AHEAD IN KANSAS
DEAR LOOKING AHEAD: It's time to decide what you want to happen. Do you want a divorce? Is the status quo acceptable to you? If it's the latter, do nothing different than you have been doing. However, if it isn't, talk to your husband about what you are thinking.
You need to figure out why the change in your marriage happened and if it can be fixed. He may have become impotent or have someone he is seeing on the side. If it's possible to repair your marriage, counseling would be an option. However, if it's not, it might be healthier for both of you to talk to a lawyer and arrange an amicable divorce.