DEAR READERS: This is my annual reminder to all of you who live where daylight saving time is observed: Don't forget to turn your clocks forward one hour tonight at bedtime. Daylight saving time begins at 2 a.m. tomorrow. It's a ritual I love because it signals the coming of spring, and with it longer, brighter days and warmer weather. -- ABBY
Time and Technology Change Communication Between Twins
DEAR ABBY: My twin sister moved to another state years ago. We always kept in close contact through telephone calls. But since the invention of caller ID, call waiting, cellphones, texting, etc., things have changed.
Examples: She'll cut off a conversation to answer another nonemergency call. She frantically texts that she needs to talk right now, then doesn't call and won't answer when I try to call her. She doesn't return calls or texts for days.
When we do talk, she complains nonstop, and if I try to chime in about what's happening in my life, she cuts off the conversation. Also, we have a two-hour time difference, so when she does call, it's either super late or the dinner hour. If I can't talk long, she gets mad and blocks me for days.
I don't want to be the etiquette police, but something is off. Advice? -- JUST ABOUT HAD IT IN ILLINOIS
DEAR HAD IT: Has your twin always been this self-centered and rude, or is it relatively new behavior? Do not blame advances in technology for it. Accept that she may have a low level of tolerance for frustration and little interest in what is going on in your life.
If I were you, the next time she blocks you, do not repeatedly try to reach her. Wait until she calls back. If you haven't already taken this up with her directly, you should, because her phone manners are atrocious.
Elderly Couple Mulls Building a New House in the Country
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are elderly. We live in a renovated shack I inherited from my family. The neighborhood is degrading, and I'm trying to decide whether to build a new home out in the country on property I own.
If I do, my family, which needs a better place to live, could live in my current house. But I'm worried about the physical and emotional toll it will take on my husband and me to improve the wooded property. I also worry about issues like potential dementia living nearly 30 miles from town in the country.
No matter how much I weigh the pros and cons, I can't reach a decision whether to build or not. Because of our ages, it's now or never. Can you please help me decide? -- STUMPED ABOUT THE FUTURE
DEAR STUMPED: Allow me to offer a third alternative. You described your husband and yourself as elderly and expressed concern about the physical and emotional toll building a new home far from town could cause. It might make more sense to consider selling your current home and/or the rural property and using the money to buy a place in town in a neighborhood that isn't degrading and is near medical facilities should you and your husband need them. At this point in your lives, the last thing you need is stress and isolation.
Mom Longs to Reunite Family Despite Advice From Friends
DEAR ABBY: I recently got into a huge fight with my boyfriend, which caused us to break up and me to move two hours away to stay with my mom. We have a beautiful 6-month-old daughter, and I still love him very much. He has begged me to move back and has shown me he still has feelings for me.
Because of past abuse from family and previous partners, I find it very hard to trust. I would love to go back, but I keep being told that it would be a mistake. I want to be a family again, but I don't want the people who tell me it's a mistake to be mad at me. Must I give in and stay away or follow my heart and go back? -- MIXED UP IN MISSOURI
DEAR MIXED UP: I wish you had disclosed more about the fight that caused you to move away and take the baby. It must have been a doozy. Was he cheating? Physically or emotionally abusive? If it was any of those, I don't think it is advisable to reconcile.
Why are "people" advising you not to go back with him? Are their reasons valid? If they aren't, perhaps you should worry less about pleasing them and more about accepting responsibility for your own choices.
Should you follow your heart? Yes, if it leads you and this man to a licensed couples counselor for help in resolving your problems before they get out of hand again, and deciding what would be in the best interest of your child.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I just got married. We have only one problem: his ex-girlfriend. She used to be my best friend, but we fell out years ago.
She hadn't contacted him in a long time, but since she found out we got married, she has been texting him begging to meet up. She messaged me once asking for all of us to get together, but she messages him to meet her alone and "talk." He ignores her and shows me the messages.
Should I step in and tell her to back off or ignore her as he is doing? I trust and love my husband, but she's becoming a pest and starting to annoy me and him. -- TROUBLED IN TENNESSEE
DEAR TROUBLED: Because silence hasn't successfully conveyed the message that you and your husband aren't interested in renewing the relationship, HE should be the one to tell her -- in plain English. If he doesn't do that, then you should.
DEAR ABBY: Last year was a tough one for me and my family. In addition to the COVID mess, I lost my best friend of 30 years, and one of my sisters-in-law lost her best friend of 50 years.
We were talking about each of our losses recently, and she mentioned that she has no pictures of her and her friend together. I said the same about my friend. Right then I decided that no matter how bad my hair, makeup, etc. looked, I wouldn't shy away from having my photo taken. Sometimes we don't realize how much a candid snapshot can mean until it is too late. Do you agree? -- MOMENT IN TIME IN TEXAS
DEAR MOMENT: Yes, as a matter of fact, I do. I have been guilty of photo-dodging, and I am sure many others have been, too. After reading your letter, I am resolving to do better in the future. Thank you!
Former Nanny Tires of Keeping Lesbian Marriage Under Wraps
DEAR ABBY: I am an out-and-proud lesbian who recently celebrated 10 years as a couple and three years of marriage to my wife. I worked as a professional nanny for many years, and I'm still extremely close to the first family I worked for. Although we have known each other for years, they still ask me not to mention my marriage when I'm around their kids. They refer to my wife as my "roommate." It's all I can do to bite my tongue. I have ignored this for too long.
I recently invited them over to see my new home. Because of their conservative views, I warned them in advance about the wedding photos I have displayed. I'm not ashamed of my life. I am extremely proud of myself and my wife. I am hurt and offended by their requests. I feel they only accept certain parts of me.
I realize it's unhealthy to continue this way, but I'm terrified of losing them. I'm usually a straightforward person. I feel open communication is important with everyone else in my life. But I have lost relationships before because, no matter how respectful I tried to be, honesty can sometimes be hard to hear. How can I be honest without angering this couple, and what's the best way to start this conversation? -- OUTSPOKEN NANNY
DEAR NANNY: If your former employers think they can censor their children's world to omit the fact that perfectly nice people, including one they love, are gay, they're dreaming. Kids today are very worldly. When the parents started calling your wife your roommate, you should have corrected them then and told them it was offensive and hurtful.
Invite them to your home and leave your wedding photos displayed. Why you are terrified that your relationship with them will end because you're living your authentic life mystifies me. If they can't handle the truth, you and your wife are better off without them.
Aunt Declares It's Time to End Birthday Gift Grab
DEAR ABBY: My husband's brother has two kids, both of whom are now adults. The older one is in their second year of college; the younger one will graduate from high school this spring. We haven't missed a single birthday for either one. The only time we see them is when there's a birthday or it's Christmas (with a few exceptions, like the occasional funeral).
I think it's time to stop the annual birthday gifts. We're not particularly close, and I'm tired of the forced merriment when it's clear they are only after the gift. How do I tell the parents and the grandparents there will be no more gifts for birthdays without sounding like a stingy old aunt? -- GIFTED OUT IN MICHIGAN
DEAR GIFTED OUT: Unless you want to make a change immediately, hang in there until the younger child reaches 21. At that point, put the parents/grandparents on notice that because "the kids" are now adults, you will be sending cards rather than gifts.