DEAR ABBY: I am a 50-year-old man. My whole life, my relationship with my father has been strained. When I was in my teens and 20s, when he bought presents for my two siblings and not for me, he would say things to me like, "I forgot I had you."
In spite of this, I became very successful in life. I had a great career and am now retired. My father recently announced to me that he had made only two mistakes in his life -- marrying my mother, who has put up with him for more than 60 years, and having children.
My dilemma is, he is now 90 with many health problems. He is in the hospital now for a heart problem. I know he won't last much longer. I feel nothing for him, and I am not sad. When he dies, I know I won't care. Is this normal? I feel guilty for feeling this way. -- DON'T CARE IN TENNESSEE
DEAR DON'T CARE: Please don't feel guilty for feeling no regret at the prospect of "losing" a cruel and withholding parent who made it his business to make those around him feel "less than." Do not be surprised if, rather than feel a sense of loss, you feel at peace, as though a weight has been lifted from your shoulders. You should not feel guilty for that, either. Comfort and emotionally support your mother as best you can when he dies, but don't be shocked if she, too, feels some relief. Their union could not have been the happiest.