DEAR READERS: On this day of love, I want you to know how much I value the relationship I have with you. Wishing you all a happy Valentine's Day. ... WITH LOVE, ABBY
Daily Chats End When Friend Is Blocked Without Warning
DEAR ABBY: I had a friend I would talk to every day while I was doing my deliveries for work. We had anywhere between six and 25 conversations a day. For months it was never an issue. All of a sudden, I got blocked on her social media, and her boyfriend (my husband's good friend) sent me a message telling me to leave her alone! I felt blindsided since it was out of the blue with no warning or any discussion between her and me about the amount of time we were talking.
Well, they are using my Disney+ streaming service, and I feel like they are taking advantage of me. I'm not allowed over to their house anymore or to talk to her, but my husband is welcome anytime. I pay for the Disney+ out of my personal money. Would it be so bad if I removed her from my account and changed my password? -- TALKED OUT IN OHIO
DEAR TALKED OUT: To talk to someone 25 times a day was excessive. Your friend had things she had to do besides keep you company on your route. It's possible that instead of telling you it had become too much for her, she complained to her boyfriend about it, and he decided to take action on her behalf.
The way this was handled is regrettable. That your husband continues to socialize with them while you are being ostracized is also regrettable. Because the friendship is now over and the streaming account is paid for out of your personal money, I see no reason why you shouldn't remove her access to it.
DEAR ABBY: My brother says whatever is on his mind without regard for anyone else's feelings. He brags about not having health insurance and says his doctors will see him for $10, which, believe it or not, they do. He brags about not having life insurance and says his kids will have to deal with his funeral expenses when he dies. He has spent thousands on the house he recently purchased, so money isn't the problem.
He doesn't believe in giving gifts, nor even sending a card. He is my only sibling, and over the years I have given him more than you can imagine. On a recent visit to pick up something he had asked my husband for, he began insulting me without provocation. It escalated to him calling me several vulgar names. To avoid a confrontation, I went into the house. What do I do to put my brother in his place so he will stop? -- SISTER OF A JERK
DEAR SISTER: Stop tolerating it! Quit giving things to your brother and doing him favors. Make a conscious effort to spend less time (or any time) in his presence. It should be clear that your efforts have not been appreciated, so do yourself a favor: Spend time with people who do treat you well, appreciate what you do for them and reciprocate.
Student Has Trouble Getting Homework Help From Mom
DEAR ABBY: My mom is mad at me. I have been a little bad, but I always do the dishes, sweep, clear the table and take out the trash. Every day when school is finished, I wait for Mom to get off work so she can help me with my homework, but when I do, she gets upset, mad and frustrated and stops talking to me. She tells me to do it myself, but I don't know how to do some. She says I'm smart, but I don't know if I am. Please help me because I want my mom happy. -- STUCK STUDENT IN NORTH CAROLINA
DEAR STUDENT: Of course you do. When your mother becomes frustrated while trying to assist with your homework, the reason may be she is stressed about something else after a hard day at work, or she doesn't know the solution. Please take that into consideration, because I have no doubt you are smart and want to please her.
When you get stuck, ask your teacher for help if he or she is available. If that isn't workable, another solution to your problem may be as simple as your mom finding someone who can tutor you in areas you are weak in. High school and college students do this (online for now) for extra money. You may also find help online with Khan Academy or other nonprofit educational organizations.
Relatives Who Eat and Run Earn Family Disapproval
DEAR ABBY: A couple of our family members habitually come late to gatherings, making the grand entrance. They attended a wedding shower several years ago. They arrived late, ate the food and socialized minimally. Just as the gifts were being opened, the two of them got up, smiled at everyone and walked out. The rest of us were shocked.
Fifteen months later, the two attended a baby shower for the same relative. Again, they arrived late and barely interacted with anyone. When the meal was served, they ate and, just as the presents were about to be opened, they got up and left. Several attendees commented on their rudeness.
How do you deal with relatives who feel this is acceptable behavior? We were brought up to believe that if you attend an event, you stay for the event, rather than eat and run. If you can't stay, don't come.
Older family members are having a hard time accepting their behavior. Are we older folk out of step with today's society? -- HATES RUDENESS IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR HATES RUDENESS: The way to deal with this kind of rudeness is to point out to the offenders that what they are doing is disrespectful. And if it happens after the warning, omit them from the guest list.
DEAR ABBY: I clipped and saved a quote you published years ago. Given today's challenges, I thought it might be a good time to reprint it: "Things turn out for the best for those who make the best of the way things turn out." -- BOB IN NEW HAMPSHIRE
DEAR BOB: Amen to that. And it applies to so many different situations.
Woman Frets Over Ending Her On-and-Off Relationship
DEAR ABBY: My now-ex and I had a complicated, four-year on-again, off-again relationship. I finally ended it five months ago, but I'm still not sure whether I made the right choice.
Every guy I date I compare to him. It's hard to imagine myself with anyone else. We were so similar, and we made so many plans together. Our families weren't crazy about us being together. I backed away many times because I wasn't sure of us in the long term.
Maybe it was because I'm only 22 and scared of committing forever, or because I want to be a doctor and have years of schooling ahead of me. Our relationship was always very hot and passionate, but it turned very cold and distant sometimes.
I'm confused. Did I leave for the hope of something better or a fear of commitment? Or was it because I'm young and still trying to figure out my life and felt he was holding me back? -- SECOND THOUGHTS IN ARIZONA
DEAR SECOND THOUGHTS: Your life is just beginning. If you are sincere about your desire to be a doctor, you may have to postpone other aspects of your life until you are closer to your goal. The last thing you need in the near term is the distraction of a hot and passionate/cold and distant romance.
You mentioned that you backed away "many times" because you were unsure about the two of you in the long term. Please stop tormenting yourself. When you meet Mr. Right, you won't have those second thoughts because you will know the relationship is right.
DEAR ABBY: I'm in a profession that I don't enjoy anymore, and I would love to venture into another field of interest. I have been in this industry for 10 years, and it carries a lot of stress that I'd like to rid myself of. My concern, however, is that my husband is not working, so I bear all the financial weight.
We have two kids, and he's a stay-at-home father, which is what we want for our children. We have been fortunate to be able to do this on my income alone, but I'm afraid this has obligated me to maintain a job in which I'm not happy in order to ensure my family's financial security.
How can I try to discover my passion so I can be happy in my day-to-day while keeping bills paid and food on the table? Is this even possible, or must I suck it up and do what's best for my family? -- SEEKING SOMETHING NEW
DEAR SEEKING: If you haven't already begun, start a dialogue about this with your husband. If he's willing to change the dynamic of your arrangement, the answer could be as simple as his taking a part-time job to ease some of the financial burden on you while you explore your options. I'm sorry you didn't mention how old your children are, because after COVID restrictions are lifted and they are back in the classroom, he might be able to find something during their school hours.
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO MY ASIAN READERS WHO CELEBRATE THE LUNAR NEW YEAR: The Year of the Ox begins today. I wish a happy, healthy new year to all who celebrate this holiday. People born in the Year of the Ox are steadfast and determined, and that's no bull. -- LOVE, ABBY