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by Abigail Van Buren

Dad Objects To Sharing His Part in Daughter's Wedding

DEAR ABBY: Yesterday, my daughter informed me that her boyfriend will soon come to me to ask for her hand in marriage. She also told me she intends to have both her stepfather and me walk her down the aisle. This creates a huge problem for me.

Her mother and I divorced 13 years ago because of marital infidelity on her part. She was having an affair with the man who is now my daughter's stepfather. When my daughter told me her plans, it took all my self-control not to go through the roof.

I have thought about my daughter's wedding day since the day she was born, and now she wants me to share it with this individual who has caused me so much pain. Her feeling is he has been with her her entire life, and she wants him in the wedding. I understand it to some extent, although for her to ask me to give up even a bit of this honor cuts me to my core.

One of her reasons for asking is we had a strained relationship for a number of years. I was never out of her life, although there were periods of time when we would fight constantly.

I don't want to miss the opportunity to walk my baby girl down the aisle, but I simply cannot share this honor with someone who basically stole my family. -- NOT FORGIVING IN TEXAS

DEAR NOT FORGIVING: I know this is painful for you, but you are not in control. If you are going to have the honor of walking your daughter down the aisle, you will have to figure out a compromise. I'm suggesting you walk her halfway to the altar and your daughter's stepfather take her the rest of the way, or vice versa. It has been done before.

Read more in: Family & Parenting | Holidays & Celebrations | Marriage & Divorce