DEAR ABBY: My brother and sister-in-law adopted their child at birth. It was something I assumed the baby would grow up knowing. Unfortunately, it has never been revealed to the child, and the "child" is now practically an adult. I know it isn't my place to say anything, but the truth hangs over me like a dark cloud, and I feel complicit in the lie.
My children, who are younger, don't know, and I worry that if they ever discover it, they will think my partner and I are liars and resent us for not being honest all these years.
This is a sensitive subject to broach to my brother and his wife. I have tried and been met with yelling and tears. Is there anything to be done at this point? -- GUILTY BY ASSOCIATION
DEAR GUILTY: Although I wholeheartedly agree that children who are adopted should be told at an early age, the decision to reveal or withhold that information resides with the parents, not you. At some point, their child may need accurate information for medical reasons.
How your children could think you and your partner are liars for not telling them something that's really none of their business mystifies me. There is nothing for you to do at this point, so please resist the urge to venture further into this minefield.