DEAR ABBY: I was involved in a nearly fatal car accident some years ago. My problem is people are always telling me I should be over it by now, and there shouldn't be any more complaints or pain at this late date.
Well, that one day changed my life drastically. I'm still healing emotionally, not to mention there are lifelong injuries I will never be able to overcome. My back is in constant pain, and I can no longer lift anything. I also get daily horrific migraines. Because of that, I lost the best job I ever had, which has affected me more than anything.
People can be insensitive, patronizing and just plain rude if I mention any current issues regarding my condition. Most times I respond aggressively; at others, I try my best not to be offended by their lack of empathy. While I certainly don't want or need pity, the fact that my near-death experience is shrugged off as just an "incident" bothers me greatly. What more can I do? Or should I just stay silent and count my blessings? -- SURVIVOR IN MISSOURI
DEAR SURVIVOR: There is nothing more you can do, other than politely refuse if you are asked to do something that's now beyond your capacity. As you have discovered, responding aggressively is counterproductive.
Because these individuals have conveyed that they no longer want to hear about your accident, you may have to confide in a willing friend or a licensed therapist when you need to get things off your chest. The latter might be more satisfying than trying to talk to people who can no longer tolerate hearing about something they have no solution for.