DEAR ABBY: I have been married more than 40 years. We are now retired and moved to a small town a few years ago. My problem is my husband does almost nothing to help out around the house. I do the housekeeping, shopping, cooking, bill paying and most of the extensive outdoor upkeep. Although I was the primary breadwinner during our marriage, my husband thinks his "work" is now over.
He watches TV all day long, but when he does want to get out and do something, it must always include me. I'm sick of his face at this point. I'm sure I'm short-tempered at times because everything falls on my shoulders. When I ask him to do something or offer my "two cents," he accuses me of nagging and won't talk to me for days.
I hate this life! I don't think he would go to a marriage counselor because he feels I'm the problem. I think I want a divorce, but I don't want this lazy bum to get half of everything I've earned and saved. Help! -- IRKED IN IDAHO
DEAR IRKED: You have my sympathy, but you created this "monster" by tolerating your husband's laziness and controlling nature all these years. Because he won't talk to a marriage counselor doesn't mean that you shouldn't. It's important you learn coping skills to deal with his passive aggression, which is what the silent treatment is. If a licensed therapist can't help to relieve the pressure on you, then make an appointment with a lawyer to discuss what options you may have short of divorce. I'm crossing my fingers that you have some.