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by Abigail Van Buren

Friend Has Habit of Dropping By Unannounced

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend who has stopped by unannounced several times. She'll send me a text, but without giving me a chance to respond, she just pops over. One time I was in the middle of studying for an exam and it wasn't a good time. Other times I was busy doing something and was startled when she showed up.

Finally, I mentioned something in a text about how much I liked her as a friend but would really appreciate if she would wait for a response to her text before stopping by. It has been two or three days now, and she hasn't responded. I even said I didn't want to hurt her feelings and hope she understands.

I would think most people feel as I do about unannounced visitors, but I could be wrong. I would like to ask her how she would feel about it, but before I do, I need to know what's "normal." -- BUSY AND BOTHERED

DEAR B & B: It is considered normal good manners to ask if it is convenient -- and wait for a response -- before stopping by someone's home so it will not be an intrusion. You were studying, but many people work from home and also don't want to be disturbed. Others prefer to be "presentable" before they have company. Interesting, isn't it, how many self-centered individuals become hypersensitive when called on their behavior.

Read more in: Etiquette & Ethics | Friends & Neighbors