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by Abigail Van Buren

Girl's Tantrums Stymie Man's Relationship With Her Mom

DEAR ABBY: I have met the most remarkable woman, but after eight months of serious dating, I have realized that she has the worst and most manipulating 10-year-old daughter ever. She constantly claims sickness, and now even mental health issues like anxiety and panic disorder, although they have never been formally diagnosed, to prevent her mother and me from having time together. Immediately after her mother agrees to her daughter's request and lets her get her way, the kid becomes happy and energetic, and goes back to playing. (I feel she is laughing in my face.) The numerous cancellations and tantrums are very upsetting, and it hurts my feelings when the person I love most in the world sets me aside.

I had considered proposing marriage. I have a 13- and 17-year-old who are both respectful, energetic and happy. They have been through a lot since their mother abandoned us, but they would never consider acting out like this girl.

Last weekend I was asked to bring her requested dinner and then leave, because she wanted Mommy to watch her watercolor. Abby, they are together every day, almost all day, and close relatives refuse to watch the child.

Is a resolution possible? Should I stay or should I go? When do I have the right to say enough is enough? The constant exclusions make me feel insignificant. -- COUNTED OUT IN KENTUCKY

DEAR COUNTED OUT: If "close relatives" refuse to watch the child so your lady friend can have a break, there may be more to this story than you have written. The girl is fighting for her mother -- and winning. From where I sit, Mama could benefit from some discussions with a child psychologist and lessons in how to say no to her daughter.

Adult relationships are supposed to make both parties feel better, not insignificant. As to whether you should stay or go, I think you would be wise to take a break from this relationship because, as it stands, it is going nowhere.

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