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by Abigail Van Buren

Man Learns Ex-Wife Was Raped Before They Married

DEAR ABBY: My ex-wife and I separated after 56 years of marriage. I recently found out she had been raped. Twice. The first was somebody I worked around at the air base. The second was by her father to "teach her a lesson" for getting raped the first time.

When I asked her about it, she said it was none of my business because it happened before we met, but I think she should have told me. I worked around the first guy. Who knows what he told the other airmen behind my back? I also asked very personal questions of her dad, which I now regret. My question is, was she right or should she have told me? -- UPSET PERSON IN THE EAST

DEAR UPSET PERSON: I doubt that the person who worked with you on the air base would have spent much time bragging about having raped, so please, stop obsessing about what the person might have said. That your wife was raped later by her own father must have been devastating. Both of the animals who abused her belonged in jail.

That said, although your wife probably should have told you what happened to her, she was not obligated to do so. Your marriage is over. Let it go!

Read more in: Marriage & Divorce | Abuse