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by Abigail Van Buren

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married more than 40 years, but we have lived separately in a house and guesthouse on jointly owned property for the last 10. We split bills and communicate only when necessary via text.

I am somewhat afraid of him and try to distance myself from him and his friends and family. He has been involved with multiple women and men throughout our marriage, but when I have tried to end our marriage, he has pushed me to remain.

He is currently openly involved with a woman he has "dated" for many years. Several acquaintances recently informed me that the two of them are sporting matching wedding bands. I don't really care, but I don't want any further humiliation. I feel like a sword is hanging over my head. What can I do? -- ARRANGEMENT IN THE EAST

DEAR ARRANGEMENT: What you can do is contact an attorney. Tell the attorney exactly what you have told me -- that you and your husband haven't cohabited in a decade, that he and his longtime girlfriend are purporting to be married and wearing matching wedding bands, that you want a divorce, but you are afraid of his reaction. The lawyer can guide you from there. Please don't wait.

Read more in: Marriage & Divorce

DEAR ABBY: I am a woman who has had genital herpes since I was in my 20s. I'm single and in my 60s now. I have always disclosed that I have it and that I treat it daily with medication that suppresses the virus. I have never infected anyone -- including my former husband and boyfriends. I do not have outbreaks.

I am often rejected by the men I disclose this to. It is demeaning and painful and makes me feel dirty, which I am not. I'm tired of it. Must I continue to disclose it? I know for sure that I am not passing it on. I haven't given it to anyone in 40-plus years. -- REJECTED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR REJECTED: Tempting as it may be to fudge the truth, I think you should continue to be honest about your status. If you lie and the person you are involved with finds your medication, the relationship will be over anyway.

I don't know if you have considered this, but have you thought about dating men who also have herpes? A website that has been mentioned in my column before is H-date.com. If you meet someone there, you know you won't be judged. It offers a free dating service through which thousands of men and women meet. Many very nice, eligible people -- people just like you -- have herpes and live full, happy lives.

Read more in: Health & Safety | Sex & Gender | Love & Dating

Happy Mother's Day

DEAR READERS: I want to wish a very Happy Mother's Day to mothers everywhere -- birth mothers, adoptive and foster mothers, stepmothers, grandmothers who are raising their grandchildren and dual-role dads. Orchids to all of you for the love you give not only today, but also each and every day. -- LOVE, ABBY

Read more in: Holidays & Celebrations

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)