DEAR ABBY: My daughter is 22 weeks pregnant. This will be our first grandchild, and we were excited to be hosting the baby shower for her. Unfortunately, her in-laws got involved. We were told they were mostly in charge and we should butt out, and my daughter will host her own shower. She sent us a message stating that they don't want the shower to be a "burden or financial strain on us," so we can come only as guests.
We never ever said anything about finances or anything. We were excited about the shower and couldn't wait to start this amazing journey. What do we do? Do we still go as grandparents, as guests or stay away? We are not allowed to help with anything, but we were told to contribute to the food. -- STUNNED IN SOUTH AFRICA
DEAR STUNNED: Contribute what food exactly? A box of crackers? A fruit salad? Money? I don't blame you for being upset. It certainly looks like you have been pushed aside.
Did your daughter send you that message or did her mother-in-law? I ask because it is considered a breach of etiquette for an honoree to throw her own shower. Talk to your daughter. However, do not allow this to drive you away. Attend the shower. If you don't attend, it may be the beginning of an estrangement.