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by Abigail Van Buren

Moving Near Family Forces a Choice Between Two Sons

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have a dilemma we don't know how to handle. We both recently retired. Our sons (both married with children) live in other states. Since my wife and I no longer have family here, we are going to move close to one of our sons. Our dilemma: They both want us to move near them, but they are 2,000 miles apart.

Both of the states they live in are similar in terms of taxes, home prices, cost of living, etc. We have decided where we would like to go and found a home to purchase. How do we tell our other son why we moved where we did? He's going to be very hurt and feel that we favor his brother, which couldn't be further from the truth. Both are financially stable (as are my wife and I), so that is not an issue.

I'm sure many people would feel blessed to have two sons who both want their parents close by. How do we tell one we picked the other? -- NEARBY IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR NEARBY: Do not tell either brother that you picked the one you did. You chose a location.

Why did you arrive at the decision you did? Make a list of the reasons you made your choice and recite them when you are asked. You are all adults. Your reasons are valid ones, and this should not be couched in terms of one son being loved better than the other, which is childish.

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