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by Abigail Van Buren

Husband Is Unsettled by His Attraction to Another Man

DEAR ABBY: I am a 57-year-old married man. I share a house with my wife and daughter. After dinner last month, my wife and I had a big fight. I can't believe the things we said. In 30 years, it has never gone that far.

I left the house and went to a bar. A slightly older man sat down next to me, and we talked for a long time, about the Beatles, hockey, science, evolution and the universe. Conversation just flowed.

I decided to tell him about the fight with my wife. He told me he lived in the building and had a vintage vinyl collection. If I wanted, we could go up and listen to some records. I said yes. We had a few drinks, listened to some great music and talked some more. He was so smart and so cool.

Then I caught myself looking at him with more than just admiration for his intellect, if you know what I mean. It scared me. I didn't know what to do, so I apologized and excused myself, hastily and rudely, I'm sure.

I don't know if he had any intentions other than listening to old records. He didn't say, and I didn't stick around long enough to find out. But I remember that feeling. All day long I remember it.

My wife and I have made up. We both regret the fight. But, Abby, I think about him every day. I've considered going back and knocking on his door, but I can't. I never imagined I'd feel this way at my age. What can I do? -- TWISTED UP IN THE SOUTH

DEAR TWISTED UP: I'll be frank. Sexuality is not necessarily black and white; there are shades of gray. You met this person at a time when you were emotionally vulnerable. The best thing you can do for your marriage would be to talk about this with a licensed mental health professional. The most destructive thing you could do for your marriage would be to knock on that person's door at this time.

Read more in: Marriage & Divorce | Sex & Gender