DEAR ABBY: Thirty years ago, I dated a guy I'll call Allen. We had a child together. Our relationship ended when I found out I was pregnant. He married a woman he chose over me. I later married someone else, whose name is on my child's birth certificate.
Fast-forward 30 years. We are now back in each other's lives. I told my son about his biological father, and they are getting to know each other. Allen has children from his marriage, which lasted about 25 years. His wife is now deceased.
Allen's two other children and his parents and extended family know nothing about our son. He's afraid to tell them, although it was before they were born and before he was married. Do you think he should tell everyone? -- SECRET KEEPER IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR SECRET KEEPER: Yes, I do. As you stated, this happened before his marriage to his late wife, and your (and his) son should not be regarded as a shameful secret. However, I cannot make this decision for Allen, and neither should you. If he isn't strong enough to stand up and stand by his first child, then you should reconsider your relationship with him.