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by Abigail Van Buren

Woman Wonders Why Son Didn't Reveal Partner's Miscarriage

DEAR ABBY: I thought my son and I were close. Recently, I learned that his girlfriend had a miscarriage. I learned about it from an email his girlfriend sent me, and I have also learned he told another relative he's close to about the miscarriage. I called his girlfriend after receiving her email and expressed my sympathy, inquired about her health and told her that I would keep her and my son in my prayers.

My feelings are hurt because I didn't hear about the pregnancy/miscarriage from my son, and he disclosed it to another relative instead. I thought we could discuss anything -- even though we disagree on some things. I want to ask why he didn't tell me and let him know my feelings are hurt because children are family treasures. Should I express how I feel and ask why he felt he couldn't share with me? -- OVERLOOKED IN FLORIDA

DEAR OVERLOOKED: Resist the urge to personalize this the way you have. If you are smart, you will think long and hard -- a few months, perhaps -- before asking your son that question because if there is a problem in your relationship, this will only make it worse. Take this opportunity to work on the things that aren't right in your relationship with your son. He may have had other things besides his mother on his mind when this happened, and may not have wanted or needed to be reminded that children are "family treasures."

Read more in: Family & Parenting | Death