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by Abigail Van Buren

Being Friends With Benefits Isn't Enough for Woman

DEAR ABBY: I met a wonderful man who was 14 years older who treated me like I have never been treated before. He opened doors for me, took me on actual dates, paid for things, met all my friends and family, and took me on my first vacation at 39 years old. He was very cuddly and such a gentleman. He even introduced himself as my "boyfriend" to some of my friends.

Seven months ago, we had our first argument and he asked me how I felt about him. I said I loved him and he returned with, "I like you a lot." He said he didn't feel as strongly as I did and doesn't want a relationship.

When we broke up shortly after, he said he wanted to be friends. But he still called and invited me over for sex regularly for the next six weeks. I was very hurt, but I finally cut ties because emotionally I couldn't handle it. He still wants to be friends but I cannot. He still will do anything for me and wants the benefits of being together without the labels.

It has been more than two months and I'm heartbroken. If I call him, he answers and talks like we are the best of friends, and it kills me. How do I get over him? Is it worth trying to see if we will work out? -- BROKEN IN UTAH

DEAR BROKEN: This "gentleman" made clear that his feelings for you are not as strong as those you have for him. You are involved with someone who is honest about wanting nothing more than the status quo. If you're willing to settle for being only FWB -- which, I suspect, you have too much intelligence and self-esteem to do -- go along with what he's offering (which is very little). But if you do, know full well that it won't "work out."

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