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by Abigail Van Buren

Handsome Husband Doesn't Light Wife's Fire

DEAR ABBY: My husband of 30 years still desires me. I know he has been faithful. He's a wonderful father, has plenty of friends, a warm sense of humor and even in tough times has always managed to be a good provider. We have never wanted for anything.

He is in decent shape for his age, and some women have commented that he is handsome. Yet I recoil at his advances or pretend to be asleep. I feel like I owe him sex since it's part of marriage, and then I resent him because I feel I am letting him down. -- NO DESIRE DOWN SOUTH

DEAR NO DESIRE: You need to figure out whether your negative reaction to your husband's advances is emotional or physical. Have you always felt this way, or is it (relatively) recent?

Hormonal changes as women age can be a reason for lack of libido, and if that's what's causing your problem, it is something you should talk about with your gynecologist because it may be fixable. Start there, because you owe this both to yourself and your husband.

Read more in: Marriage & Divorce | Sex