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by Abigail Van Buren

Partner's Roommate Has History of Violence

DEAR ABBY: I love my partner, "Dana." We have been together for a year and a half. She had terrible roommates last year, so she moved in with me fairly early in our relationship. Now that Dana has new roommates, she wants to spend time in the space she pays rent for, which I think is valid.

The problem is, I can't stand one of her new roommates. I'll call him Benji. He has been rude to Dana in the past and has had violent episodes with women. I can't be around him because I'm afraid of him (I am a small woman), and he makes me feel incredibly anxious. Dana has forgiven him for everything.

She moved some of her things out of my house today for when she sleeps there, and it broke my heart. I tried communicating this to Dana, but I don't want to control the choices of a rational adult, and she isn't changing her mind. I'm scared for her. I'm sad for me. What do I do? -- SLEEPING ALONE

DEAR SLEEPING ALONE: You have voiced your concerns to Dana; the choice of where she lives is now up to her. As you stated, she's a rational adult and can do as she wishes. Because you are uncomfortable around Benji, see Dana away from her place. That's all you can do.

Read more in: Love & Dating | Friends & Neighbors