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Widow Contemplating a Move Is Bound by Many Family Ties

DEAR ABBY: My husband died in 2001. There is a man I have been seeing for 17 years I'll call Jack. He has a home in Georgia. I live in Pennsylvania, where I share a home with my grown son and my daughter, her husband and my 6-year-old grandson.

Jack has now retired and wants me to move down to Georgia with him. I have a mortgage on my home, which I pay. My kids cannot afford that payment, although they do contribute a little every month to live there. I can't just quit my job and go to Georgia and look for a job. I need to have one before I go down there.

Well, I finally landed a job there, but sadly, they don't offer benefits, which worries me. My other issue is, I am very close to my grandson. I'll be 12 hours away, so besides video-chatting, I won't get to see him or interact with him.

Anytime I have gone to Georgia for a week and returned home, my grandson was very emotional. I am scared that if I go to Georgia and the boy doesn't do well with the situation, I will be stuck down there. Visiting home will be almost impossible as I only get one week's vacation with this new job, and I can't just jump in the car on a weekend because I would be driving the whole weekend and not have any time to spend with my family.

I am torn between going and not going. I honestly don't know what to do. I am just so scared. What would you do? -- TORN BY LOVE

DEAR TORN: The ideal solution would be for Jack to move where you are so you can keep your job and benefits and pay the mortgage on your home. Your adult children are not financially independent, and your grandson is not emotionally resilient enough to adjust to your absence. I do not think you are in a position to go anywhere until these issues are resolved.

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