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by Abigail Van Buren

Disabled Man Conceals HIV Diagnosis From His Parents

DEAR ABBY: I told a close girlfriend of mine I had bought my soon-to-be-born granddaughter a baby ring and plan on giving it to my daughter-in-law at the shower. I was really excited about it. A week later my friend texted me asking if she would be stepping on my toes if she bought the baby a little baby bracelet.

My first reaction was yes, and that she was trying to upstage me at the shower. At any rate, my baby ring would not be as special as I want it to be. Am I wrong in feeling this way? Is it appropriate for her to do that? Now I feel bad that I'm making my granddaughter miss out on a beautiful gift because of my selfishness. I would appreciate your help. -- NOT SPECIAL IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR NOT SPECIAL: This may not be the answer you are expecting, but I would be remiss if I didn't share my thoughts with you. I am concerned about the wisdom of buying a ring for a small child, particularly a baby. Babies spend a lot of time with their little hands in their mouths. You must know that the ring would not be worn by your granddaughter because such an item could choke an infant (and the bracelet, too, for that matter). Discuss that gift with the child's mother before giving it.

As to your friend's idea of a bracelet, if she was trying to upstage you, she wouldn't have told you about her idea. Let it go.