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by Abigail Van Buren

Wife Can't Shake Feelings of Betrayal

DEAR ABBY: Please tell me how I can get over the fact that my husband cheated on me. How do I stop feeling hurt and betrayed, and how do I stop feeling that somehow it was my fault?

We went to counseling together, and it has helped. I was able to forgive him, and we are still together. But it hasn't done away with the emotions that come flooding back when I see something on the subject on TV or in a book.

I try not to hold it over his head, but the feelings just don't go away. Should I try to talk to him about how I feel or just try to forget? -- REALLY HURTING IN RALEIGH, N.C.

DEAR REALLY HURTING: You are entitled to your feelings, and you have a right to discuss them with your husband. You didn't mention how long ago his infidelity occurred, but it takes time to rebuild trust. You may need to continue the counseling to work through your emotions, particularly the feeling that you were to blame for what happened.

In the meantime, because programs you're seeing on television bring back your feelings of pain and disappointment, rather than torture yourself, change the channel. The same goes for those books.

Read more in: Marriage & Divorce