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by Abigail Van Buren

Wife Vents Her Frustration After Man Loses His Job

DEAR ABBY: My husband lost his job. He had worked there since we were married 10 years ago, and earned top wages because he had been with them for so long. Two years into our marriage, when we found out we were expecting our first child, we decided that I would be a stay-at-home mom. My husband has taken care of us financially ever since. I loved that I was able to rely on my husband for financial security.

Since he lost his job, I am angry, frustrated and hurt. His own actions caused his dismissal. I have told him how I feel, but he just yells at me. I feel he should at least listen to how I am feeling.

I'm scared for our future. We have two children under the age of 7, and we are paying child support for his oldest child, who lives with his ex. I want to support my husband, but I feel pushed away and disregarded. How can I show support when I am so scared and frustrated and blame him? -- ON SHAKY GROUND IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR ON SHAKY GROUND: I understand your feelings, but have you considered what turmoil your husband is feeling? Having been the breadwinner for so long, he is suddenly unable to provide for the woman and children he loves.

If you want to be supportive, stop demonstrating your anger, fear and frustration for a while. If you do, it may help him regain his balance sooner. And while you are at it, be prepared to make financial adjustments until he finds another job (including seeking a job for yourself). I'm not saying it will be easy, but please give it a try. He already knows he has disappointed you. Please don't make it harder for him than it already is.

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