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by Abigail Van Buren

Subject of Uncle Being Gay Never Came Up With Nephew

DEAR ABBY: My brother, "Kevin," came out at the age of 30. Now, 20 years later, I have a son who would like to stay with my brother for a few months while working a job nearby. We have never discussed that Kevin is gay. I had no idea when he came out to me. No one ever asked me about it other than my mother, who goes on and on when we are alone about "how could this have happened?"

The news did not change anything for me. I love my brother for the kind, loving, hardworking person he is. He is always welcome in my home, but my parents refuse to accept any of his friends, so he never brings anyone along. People still sometimes ask me if they can set up a girl for Kevin to date, so I don't think most people know he is gay. He told me that if anyone questioned me about his sexual orientation to tell them to ask him in person, so it's a topic I never bring up.

Should I talk to my son about his uncle being gay before he moves in with him? My brother lives alone with his dog in a nice house with extra rooms. -- CAUTIOUS IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR CAUTIOUS: Talking to your son may not be necessary. If he and his uncle have agreed on the living arrangement, the chances are good that the subject has already been mentioned or is not an issue.