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by Abigail Van Buren

Neighbor's Gardening Getup Is an Eyeful

DEAR ABBY: My neighbor regularly goes around gardening in her yard wearing yoga pants with huge tears in the inner thighs and an even bigger hole in the crotch. You can't miss it because she bends over, and stays bent over, for significant quantities of time while she is weeding. Her behind is frequently aimed in the direction of my house and yard.

Abby, you could fit both hands in that hole, and it stretches wide over her pear-shaped rear end! I have kids, and her other close neighbors have kids even younger than mine.

The first time I saw her, I gave her the benefit of the doubt and assumed the tears were recent. But she wears this same pair of indecent pants every time she goes out to garden. Today, when I looked out my dining room window, there she was bent over, flashing her derriere, with a hole in her underwear right where the holes in her pants were.

She isn't poor. She spends lots of money on her garden and updating her house every year. This woman is in her 60s, semi-retired, and loves nothing more than to call the police and the city code enforcement people on any neighbor she dislikes, so I can't talk to her about it because I'm afraid she'll retaliate. Should I send her an anonymous letter asking her to buy new pants? -- EXPOSED OUT THERE

DEAR EXPOSED: No. Tell her calmly that you are concerned about your children and ask her to please wear something less "revealing." However, if she refuses, install a hedge to shield you from the view. And practice your "look away" skills.

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