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Philandering Husband in Long-Term Care Gets Begrudging Attention From Wife

DEAR ABBY: My husband has late stage dementia and is in a long-term care center. He had several affairs during our marriage, and if the tables were turned, I'm sure he would be involved with other women while I was receiving care. I realize I should have left him years ago. I visit him several times a month but not every day. I do it out of commitment, not love. Sometimes I feel guilty for not going more often.

I guess I'm asking you for permission to see him when I have time but not every day. I also would like to encourage people who have lost faith in their spouse to make the break before any serious illness sets in. I have no interest in finding another man, but I feel tied down with the burden of seeing him through to the end. -- HANGING IN THERE IN OHIO

DEAR HANGING IN: Have a realistic talk with that conscience of yours. Surely the two of you can reach a compromise. This is not the time to punish your husband for his infidelity.

Under the circumstances, because you don't feel your husband deserves to be visited daily, visit a couple of times a week to ensure that he is being properly looked after. And if he isn't, make it your mission to ensure the situation is remedied, as you would want someone to do for you.

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