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by Abigail Van Buren

Husband and Wife Don't See Eye to Eye on Division of Labor

DEAR ABBY: I am about to blow my top! I am a married father of two in the military who works 12 hours daily to support my family. My wife and I are college grads and have been married five years. For those years we have maintained residence in Hawaii. My wife doesn't work and tries to run a day care that is mildly successful.

Our home is always dirty because, as she puts it, she is not a housemaid. She doesn't cook often either. Many times I come home so tired I can't see, and the house is a mess. This has caused arguments.

My thinking is, if she's not going to take care of the house, she should get a job and help with the finances. The money she gets from the day care doesn't go toward the household. She considers it her spending money.

I am ready to bounce and find greener pastures. I have tried talking to her, but she ignores my complaints and plays the victim. We have already tried counseling. It doesn't work because she goes back to her normal self afterward. Help! -- PEEVED IN THE PACIFIC

DEAR PEEVED: Marriage is supposed to be a partnership and, from what you have written, your wife is unwilling to contribute to it. I can't change her and neither can you. Because counseling hasn't resolved your obvious lack of compatibility, it's time to consult a lawyer.

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