DEAR READERS: I'm wishing a Happy Father's Day to fathers everywhere -- birth fathers, stepfathers, adoptive and foster fathers, grandfathers, and all of those caring men who mentor children and fill the role of absent dads. And a big shout-out to dual-role moms. I applaud you all. -- LOVE, ABBY
Man Wonders About Finding Fulfillment After He Retires
DEAR ABBY: I have had a wonderful and fulfilling career, and a life with a few hard bumps along the road. My wife and I enjoy spending time together as empty nesters.
For the last 16 years, I have built and led several not-for-profit organizations. After the last experience ended, we relocated, and I now have a less-demanding job I hope will take me into my retirement.
I enjoy the position, but how do I prepare for a rewarding and fulfilling life once I'm no longer fully employed? My wife and I plan to winter in Florida, do some traveling and enjoy life. I have some hobbies I look forward to spending time on, but I'm hoping for more than just that. Looking back, I wonder if I may have devoted too much to my career.
I guess I'm having trouble letting go of the wheel, the pace and the high expectations I have lived by all my adult life. Have you any suggestions to help me prepare for the next chapter? I will continue to help others and volunteer, but I need some guidance. -- TROUBLE LETTING GO IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR TROUBLE: Before retiring, make sure you are really ready to take that next step and discuss with your wife what that will mean to both of you. Between helping others, volunteering, traveling and splitting the year between two different communities, I suspect you will be plenty busy.
Now that you will have the time, use some of it to see your children and grandchildren, if there are any. Remember, too, the importance of staying physically as well as mentally active, and perhaps consider mentoring someone if the opportunity presents itself.
Aging In-Laws Stay Young With Daily Fitness Routines
DEAR ABBY: My wonderful 82-years-young father-in-law and mother-in-law still exercise regularly, and it shows. They are both beautiful and healthy. I was particularly impressed when my father-in-law recently informed me that, on a daily basis, he "practices" getting up from a fall by lying down on the floor and then getting up without using his hands. He said he repeats the process several times a day because it keeps his core strong. I think it's brilliant. Perhaps other seniors reading this will incorporate this practice into their daily routine if they are able to. -- BLESSED DAUGHTER-IN-LAW IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR BLESSED: I'm glad you shared what your in-laws are doing in order to remain healthy. Anyone who hasn't tried lying on the floor and getting up without using their hands may be in for a surprise the first time they try. It isn't as easy as it sounds. The "trick" is to roll onto your knees and lift yourself one leg at a time without touching your thighs. I tried it, and I can do it -- but it took some practice. I encourage people of all ages to try.
Serial Dater's Love Life Is Hard for His Friend to Watch
DEAR ABBY: I have a guy friend who goes from girl to girl constantly. People talk about what a player he is and say he doesn't really like the women he's dating. He has been called desperate -- among other things. None of this ever gets to him. Even though we are just close friends, he has even asked ME out.
I think he's doing things all wrong, and I want to tell him so, but I know it's his life, and he's going to tell me that. I want people to stop talking behind his back. He annoys me so much when it comes to his dating life that I sometimes want to scream at his face. Do you have advice for me? -- GOOD (GIRL) FRIEND IN CONNECTICUT
DEAR FRIEND: Yes, I do. You have a right to express your opinions to your friend. That said, try to be less judgmental. Remain his friend but focus less on his dating life so much because it is not your business. You are making a mistake if you allow it to become an obsession.
Woman Discovers She's out of the Picture on Man's Mantel
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of 10 years and I recently broke up over some photos he has displayed on his mantel. At one time, he had an 8-by-10 photo of me, which suddenly disappeared. He swore he had no idea what happened to it. He now has four photos (two are 8-by-10) of a woman he calls his "co-worker." She ushers with him at church on Sundays, and I know she has no interest in him.
I'm not a jealous person, but those photos have caused me hurt and embarrassment when others asked who the "babe" in the pictures is. He knew my feelings about them, but didn't take them down. He has two smaller pictures of the two of us, but you can't miss the two 8-by-10s when you enter the room.
Was I wrong in asking him to remove them? I still care for him, but my feelings don't seem to matter to him. -- PERPLEXED AND HURTING IN FLORIDA
DEAR PERPLEXED: You weren't wrong to tell your ex how you felt about the photos. And you are right that your feelings on the subject weren't important to him. It appears he became fixated on the church lady, which is why you were smart to break off the relationship.
Friend Not Invited to Small Wedding Still Wants to Send a Gift
DEAR ABBY: My daughter says that if I send a wedding gift of money to the bride and groom even though we weren't invited, it would make the bride feel guilty for not including me/us.
My daughter and the bride have been friends and sports teammates for 25 years. We watched her grow up into a fine person. She had a small, backyard wedding, and we completely understood and agreed with her decision to not invite us. What is the proper etiquette on this topic? -- DON'T KNOW IN THE MIDWEST
DEAR DON'T KNOW: The rule of etiquette is that if you accept a wedding invitation, you should give the couple a gift. However, if you do not attend and still would like to send something, it's not only not a breach of etiquette, it is a generous and loving gesture. By all means send the check along with a sweet note expressing the sentiments you shared with me. I assure you, the bride will be touched by your thoughtfulness.
Wealthy Man's Companion Is Shut Out of Family Holidays
DEAR ABBY: I am a platonic friend and part-time caregiver of a wealthy gentleman. I now reside in his residence out of necessity. We respect each other, and neither of us intends to be anything more than friends.
My problem is his family. They know I exist, but refuse to get to know me. They do not allow me to accompany him to holiday events at their homes, even at his request. His sister, the matriarch and a devout Catholic, has been verbally and emotionally abusive to me. My friend believes it's all about his money, and they consider me a threat.
I always feel hurt and rejected on these special occasions. I have no family of my own, and I'm alone on holidays most of the time. How can I overcome this hurtful situation? His nieces and nephews never call him or invite him to dinner in between holidays. Neither of us has children, so he is loyal to his relatives above all else. How do I get past the rejection? -- MORE THAN A CAREGIVER
DEAR MORE: Unless your friend has made a point of remembering you in his will, I hope you realize that when he passes, all you will receive from his family is a wave goodbye -- if that. The disrespect and lack of empathy "the matriarch" has shown you is shameful. That your friend/patient lacks the backbone to insist you be included suggests to me that your relationship appears to be a one-way street.
The way to get past this would be to make sure you are saving enough money (if you haven't) to tide you over until you find a job after his death. In the meantime, allow yourself enough personal time to cultivate relationships with people who won't ignore you during holidays. It's important that you not become more isolated and disconnected than you are. If you are religious, your own church might be a place to start.
Wife Reaches Limit of Her Patience With Procrastinating Husband
DEAR ABBY: My husband is the biggest procrastinator I have ever known. He has piles of things lying around that need his attention and projects that need to be finished but get put off day after day.
When I remind him of what needs doing, he accuses me of nagging, so I have stopped reminding him. But it's boiling inside of me. It has gotten worse since he retired. Also, there are the hours he spends on his iPad.
If I handled things the way he does, nothing would get done, and our house would be a pig pen. I'm frustrated and need some advice on how to handle this without being a nag. I'm ready to go on strike. -- BEYOND FRUSTRATED IN OHIO
DEAR BEYOND: What's going on is unfair to you. If this is your husband's pattern, then he needs to know how angry you are about it. That isn't nagging; it is venting. Because he has gotten worse since his retirement, he may need to be seen by his doctor to ensure it isn't caused by a health problem.
I'm sorry you didn't mention what kinds of projects your husband is procrastinating about finishing. If they are minor repairs or handyman things, consider hiring someone to finish them. If they are financial, your accountant may be able to recommend someone.
Please consider what I am telling you. The only thing you shouldn't do is continue to tolerate this.