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by Abigail Van Buren

Old Friend Declines to Attend Wedding She Can't Endorse

DEAR ABBY: My dear friend of many years is marrying for the fourth time. Her fiance is verbally abusive and a heavy drinker. After a particularly bad period she went through with him, I told her that if she went ahead and married him, she should just let me know when it was over because I had no desire to witness this union.

Well, she called me a few days ago with the date, assuming I was going to go. When I reminded her of what I had said, she said she hadn't believed me. She wasn't happy about my refusal to go, but seems to have accepted it. My question is, do I need to acknowledge this wedding (only six people are attending) with a card or just let the day pass? -- NOT A FAN OF THE MAN

DEAR NOT A FAN: Be prepared for the fact that your decision not to attend her wedding may result in distancing you from your friend. Send a sweet card with your good wishes. Then cross your fingers and pray for her well-being.

Read more in: Holidays & Celebrations | Friends & Neighbors | Abuse | Addiction | Etiquette & Ethics