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by Abigail Van Buren

Mom Is Fed Up With Daughter's Rude Friend

DEAR ABBY: I am a widow who spends summers up north with my son and winters with my daughter down south. My problem is, a friend of my daughter is extremely rude and insulting to me.

"Valerie" arrives at my daughter's without being invited, walks in and either makes a disparaging remark to me ("You still here?") or walks right past me with her nose in the air. My daughter says nothing.

I have always tried to be pleasant to Valerie, but I'm tired of her rude behavior. I have excellent rapport with all of my daughter's other friends. Please advise as to how I should handle this. -- UNWELCOMED IN NEW YORK

DEAR UNWELCOMED: I agree, Valerie's behavior is disrespectful and hostile. Express this to your (silent) daughter and ask how she feels about the way her friend behaves with you, and why she's allowed to drop in with no notice. Her answer may be enlightening.

The next time the "friend" pops in and asks if you're "still here," speak up and tell her the length of your visit is none of her business and asking about it strikes you as rude. If you do, it may clear the air.

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