Join the debate. Vote Now on the Dear Abby Poll of the week.

by Abigail Van Buren

Stepfather Left Whole Family When He Divorced His Wife

DEAR ABBY: My stepfather, "Ron," and my mother finalized their divorce a month ago. He has been part of my life for 19 years, since I was 10. He was a grandfather to my two boys, and because he adopted me when I was 17, I took his last name.

My problem is that two years ago, when Ron left Mom, he cut off all contact with me and my boys. No calls, texts, messages. Nothing! I am still coming to terms with all of it, and it's hard to explain to my 7-year-old where his grandfather is.

Ron was a father to me after my biological father passed away. It's painful to think that he may not have loved me or my boys like I thought he did.

How can a father/grandfather do that so easily? What's worse is his children (my step-siblings) have also cut us off. I have no idea why.

My husband thinks I should contact him, but I don't think I should have to beg someone to be in my life, especially if it's a parent/child situation. What are your thoughts? Any guidance would be appreciated. -- LEFT IN THE DARK IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR LEFT: Ron may think that because he and your mother are no longer married, your loyalties lie with her and you don't want him in your life. I agree with your husband. Reach out to him and your step-siblings. Tell them you and your children love them and still want them to be part of your lives. They may need the reassurance. And if they still prefer to have no contact, you will know you did everything possible to keep the relationships intact.

Read more in: Marriage & Divorce | Family & Parenting