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by Abigail Van Buren

Well-Meaning Friends Ask Uncomfortable Questions Following Miscarriage

DEAR ABBY: Five months ago, my husband and I suffered a miscarriage. We had been trying to have a baby for six years, and we were over the moon excited. We waited 12 weeks to tell any friends or family, but we ended up having complications and losing our little one at 22 weeks.

My problem is some of our friends. I'm sure they mean well, but they continue to ask if we are trying again or if I'm expecting, and some keep insisting that I'm pregnant and that I should take a pregnancy test. It's soul crushing. What can I say when they ask me next time that will stop them from asking in the future? We will certainly tell them when it happens, but I don't want to discuss it until then. -- CHANGING THE SUBJECT

DEAR CHANGING: Please accept my sympathy for your loss. The most appropriate way to handle these intrusive and insensitive questions (and comments) would be to tell them exactly what you told me in the last sentence of your letter and repeat it as necessary.

Read more in: Death | Etiquette & Ethics