DEAR ABBY: I am 26. My mom recently got my boyfriend sent to jail. We met six months ago. After a month, he started verbally abusing me, which progressed to physical abuse. Each time I was sure I was about to die.
He is now locked up for kidnapping, false imprisonment and aggravated assault. Mom had had enough of hearing about the abuse and took matters into her own hands. I didn't want her to call the police because I don't feel jail is right for people except killers.
I understand she wanted to protect me because I kept going back, but now I cry every day worrying about if he is safe in jail and wondering how he's feeling. Everybody around me is saying I don't need to worry about him because he didn't care about how he made me feel. I think it's heartless to say that.
When he got arrested, I was in awful pain with my neck and back, but all I could think about was him. People are telling me I need counseling, but I don't think it will help, because at the end of the day I will still think about him and worry about him.
I don't think the cops and my mom took into consideration how this would affect me mentally. I'm depressed and can't stop wondering if my boyfriend is OK because I'm a really good and nice person, and it sucks. I am going to go to counseling because I know I need to do it, but Abby, how do I eventually not think about him and his well-being and be heartless like him? -- HAVING A HARD TIME IN GEORGIA
DEAR HARD TIME: I believe you are a good and nice person, but you are also one who is very mixed up right now. If you think your abuser loved you, you are mistaken. Men who treat women the way he treated you not only don't love women, they don't even like them. Had your mother not done what she did, you could be dead.
If you want an example of what love is, love is doing something to help your daughter, knowing it may alienate her forever, but doing it anyway to save her life. I'm pleased you have agreed to counseling because you need it very much. After you have gone for a while, your emotional dependence on your abuser will dissipate. He is exactly where he belongs, and you need to get on with your life.