DEAR ABBY: My mom is 82 and suffering from dementia. I have called her every Sunday since I left home for college in 1990. We used to talk for an hour, sharing what had happened to us since we last spoke.
Abby, I loved those calls, which allowed me to stay close to my mom despite the distance. Now I can barely manage five or 10 minutes. It's basically just me telling her things about my week. She still remembers me, but she doesn't talk much.
I have started to skip our weekly calls because they are very painful to me. Dad says Mom misses my calls, but I know that's not true. I know I should call her -- even if she doesn't remember I did -- but it hurts so much. Do you have any advice on how to deal with this? -- HER SON IN AUSTIN, TEXAS
DEAR SON: You are a good son, and a fortunate one to have had such a close and loving relationship with your mom. Dementia is a terrible disease, one that steals not only memories but the ability to communicate. If you think you are feeling bad or guilty now, imagine how you will feel when she passes away and you are left knowing you didn't do the things you could to lift her spirits.
Please don't skip those calls. They may no longer last an hour, but your father has told you she is aware of their absence. Believe him. Tell her the good things that are happening in your life. Tell her jokes that will make her laugh. If her disease is as advanced as you say, you can tell them repeatedly and she won't know the difference. The sound of your voice is what counts, and the words, "I love you, Mom."