TO MY READERS: I wish you all a very Happy Easter. -- LOVE, ABBY
Man's Skill on Dance Floor Attracts Unwelcome Attention
DEAR ABBY: My husband loves to dance, and so do I. In fact, we met dancing many years ago. He takes Zumba classes despite his knee problems. I loved Zumba but stopped because it hurt my knees.
Many times women have come up to him -- oblivious of my presence -- to tell him how good he is. This has happened on cruises and just now in a restaurant. I love that he's a good dancer. But I don't like random women telling him so. It feels like they are flirting. Yes, I am jealous because he is my husband. Are my feelings normal? -- JEALOUS IN THE EAST
DEAR JEALOUS: As long as your husband acts appropriately in accepting the compliments, you may be overreacting. Instead of feeling jealousy, why are you not feeling a twinge of pride in his accomplishment?
Your feelings are normal -- for someone who is insecure. If you accept that you can't stop people from complimenting your husband, and that giving him a verbal gold star isn't necessarily flirting, you will both be better off.
In-Laws Pay Scant Attention to Adopted Granddaughter
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are in our late 40s and raised three very successful sons. We had always wanted to adopt but were not able to until our boys were grown. Everyone has been supportive except my husband's parents.
Our daughter, whom we brought home 3 1/2 years ago, is now 7. Anyone who knows her adores her. She embraces family and has a beautiful relationship with her big brothers and their families.
My in-laws have other grandchildren whom they shower with affection. Our daughter, not so much. She doesn't seem to mind, so I know I shouldn't let it bother me. However, I want our in-laws to be fair with her. I know I can't make it so outside our immediate family circle. Am I being unrealistic? -- PERPLEXED IN THE MIDWEST
DEAR PERPLEXED: I think so. While you can't change your in-laws' behavior, you can make sure your daughter knows she is much loved by her parents, uncles, aunts and cousins.
Tight Budget Dictates No Surprise Guests at Wedding Reception
DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I are being married next month in a private ceremony. We're having a small family/closest friends barbecue reception the following weekend. We do not want any uninvited guests, but we also don't want to come across as rude. What's your suggestion for polite wording on invitations asking that there be no "extra" guests brought to our reception? Our budget is very tight. -- NOT A BRIDEZILLA
DEAR NOT A BRIDEZILLA: Put nothing like that in writing. There is a rule of etiquette that only guests whose names are on the invitations should attend the event. If you feel your prospective guests are ignorant of the social graces, call them and explain: "We would love you to celebrate with us, but because our budget is limited, we are unable to entertain uninvited guests. We hope you understand."
Reunion With Dad Threatens to Split Woman's Family Apart
DEAR ABBY: I am 28 and recently found my biological father through Facebook after more than 20 years of not knowing if he was still alive. Although I am happy that I found him, I'm scared to let my family -- my mom, my stepdad and my sisters -- know I have reconnected with him.
When I asked about my dad years ago (I even had a pic of him), my stepdad felt betrayed and upset that I was even curious. I had to rip up the picture because I felt so guilty that my stepdad was hurt.
I know my stepdad will manipulate the situation (that's just how he is) and con my sisters and my mom into not speaking to me again. On the other hand, I want to create a relationship with my father and start where we left off. I have two beautiful daughters I know he will love to meet, but I am scared because I know this will divide my family. What should I do? -- ANONYMOUS IN THE WEST
DEAR ANONYMOUS: I wish you had disclosed why, for more than 20 years, your birth father had no visitation with you. Whose decision was it -- his? Your mother's? If it was your birth father's, I would question his character.
That said, at the ripe old age of 28, you are an adult and should have the right to decide -- without coercion -- whom you wish to associate with. You shouldn't feel guilty for wanting to get to know your birth father. Those feelings are normal. It won't divide your family if you keep your mouth shut and your private life separate.
Woman Leaves 'Perfect' Boyfriend Behind in Pursuit of Career
DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend, "Crystal," recently dumped me. We were madly in love, and she would constantly message me and tell me how I was perfect, she didn't deserve someone as amazing as me and how I'm the only one she wants in her life. We were talking about moving in together, marriage and our future.
Then all of a sudden a well-known creep with a shady past offered her a job in another state. Crystal's family, friends and I all told her not to take the job or talk to that guy because he's bad news. She took the job, moved across the country and left us all behind.
She has now cut me out of her life. I haven't heard from her, and her mom told me she checks in with her family only occasionally. My question is what did I miss? I know Crystal was always hard on herself and thought she wasn't doing enough with her life, but I was constantly reassuring and encouraging her.
I believe this guy manipulated her and made her think this was her last chance at the career she was seeking. I am afraid she's going to learn a hard lesson and get let down drastically. Is there anything we can do to help her see this? -- BAFFLED AND DEVASTATED
DEAR BAFFLED: No, I am sorry to say there isn't. You didn't miss anything; you were misled. Crystal told you she wanted a future with you when the truth was what she really wanted was a career, and you were Plan B. There's an old saying, "Bad pennies always turn up." If the man who hired her is as shady as you say he is, she'll be back. And I hope you will have moved on long before then.
Girl's Severe Allergies Cause Strain With Animal-Loving Aunt
DEAR ABBY: My 8-year-old daughter is seriously allergic to most animals, including cats and dogs. Even a little fur sets her off. She was recently sent home from school sick after she had borrowed a sweater from a friend who has a cat. We are working with an allergist, but this isn't something that's going to go away with simple treatment.
My sister lives in a different state and has invited my family to spend the holidays at her home this year. However, she recently started fostering stray animals for a local shelter and has between five and 10 of them in her house at a time, in addition to their two cats and a dog. I have told my sister we can't visit her with the animals there. Although she insists that she'll vacuum and it will be OK, there is no way this is safe for my kid. Even if we slept at a hotel, spending the day in a "furry" house will be uncomfortable if not dangerous for my daughter.
My brother-in-law has a mild allergy for which he takes over-the-counter medication. My sister refuses to understand that this is different. She thinks I'm being difficult and overprotective, and she's angry at me. She's also unwilling to consider coming to our house. How do I get her to see that this isn't about her, and I'm just protecting my kid? -- FUR'S FLYIN' IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR FUR'S FLYIN': Ask your daughter's doctor to please -- in the name of family harmony -- write you a short letter explaining that because of your daughter's severe allergy, she cannot be in an environment that hasn't been professionally sanitized, and simply vacuuming isn't enough to guarantee your daughter won't wind up in an emergency room. Forward a copy of the letter to your sister with a loving note explaining that you aren't trying to hurt her feelings, but your daughter's health must come first. Then stick to your guns!
Sisters Resent Sharing Brother With His Wife and Stepchild
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I married late in life, and while he has never been married before, I have an adult child from a previous marriage. My husband's parents have long passed away, but his two siblings are torturing him. They are exceedingly bothered by the money and time my husband spends on us, constantly complaining to him that his "blood" family should be more important than his new family. How can we turn this situation around other than cut them off completely (as his therapist has suggested)? -- FRUSTRATED SISTER-IN-LAW
DEAR S-I-L: Your husband is paying good money for the advice he is receiving from his therapist. What the therapist is telling him makes sense. You cannot change your greedy, envious in-laws. You will save yourselves a world of pain and aggravation if you take the advice you have been given and distance yourselves both physically and emotionally.
TO MY JEWISH READERS: Passover begins at sundown. Happy Passover, everyone! -- LOVE, ABBY