DEAR ABBY: Eight years ago, my mother, then age 86, came to live with me. My life has changed substantially in the last two years, and I need to move to another state. My husband already lives there, and I want to be with him. My mother's anxieties and fears are what's holding me back.
I have told her she can live with us there, or at a brand-new assisted living facility that's about to open in the town. Alternatively, she could move back to our hometown where my retired sister lives and stay in an assisted living facility there. Her remaining in this city is not an option because I'm the only person she knows here, and it's eight hours from where I will be.
Conversations with her on this subject are difficult as she prefers to ignore them, choosing only to consider her own needs. Her overall health is manageable, and she's doing well cognitively. She has not been hospitalized in two years. What do I do? -- TAKING CARE IN FLORIDA
DEAR TAKING CARE: Continue moving forward with your plans to relocate to be with your husband. Tell your mother you are giving her the choice of whether to reside with you or near your sister, but make clear she must make up her mind because you need to know whether you will have to accommodate her in your new home. Give her a deadline to let you know her preference, but if she refuses, make sure she understands that by default she'll be living near your sister.