DEAR ABBY: I have been with my husband for 20 years. I'm 43, and he's 63. Our sex life has died. He is no longer attracted to me, and he has let me know it.
His love is physical, not emotional. I am not the size 4 I was when he met me. As long as my body looks like he wants it to look, he's into me. If I'm a size 8 or more, he is not at all into me. I have a hard time understanding how he can love me for how I look.
Long story short, my first love has popped back into my life. I have tested the waters with him, and I'm in over my head with the way he makes me feel. I haven't slept with him yet, but I have done everything but. The chemistry between us is undeniable.
I know I'm betraying my husband, and I don't want to hurt him. He is aware of this, and I don't know what to do. Help! -- MORE THAN LOOKS IN THE SOUTH
DEAR MORE: Before this goes any further, make up your mind about what you want and need. If it's a man who will love you for yourself, not your exterior, then free your husband to find a mate who will be a perpetual size 4. (Has HIS body changed over the last 20 years?)
Whether things work out between you and your first love is anyone's guess, but if you need the emotional security of sharing your life with someone who values you for more than your looks, the person to whom you are currently married doesn't qualify.
P.S. Time is on your side. In another 20 years your husband will be in his 80s and still trying to find a size 4 who thinks he is sexually attractive, while you'll still be in your prime.
DEAR ABBY: I'm almost sure my wife is cheating on me. On her ladies' night out she has been getting home later and later. Someone drops her off at the corner and she walks to the house. The last time, I hid behind my Harley in the driveway to see if I could determine who is dropping her off. While crouching behind the bike, I noticed a puddle of oil on the driveway. Should I try to fix it myself or should I take it to the dealer? -- JIM IN IOWA FALLS
DEAR JIM: Jeez, that one's older than the hills! As intelligent as you are, I'm sure you'll make the right decision. Be careful not to slip on the oil while you're deciding.
Happy April Fools' Day to you, your wife and all my readers. And that's NO joke! -- LOVE, ABBY
DEAR ABBY: A couple of days ago, my boss texted me to ask if I could work overtime. I accidentally responded with a kissing emoji. Before I could explain it was a mistake, my 9-year-old grabbed my phone and sent her five more kissing emojis, two vomiting emojis and 10 poop emojis. When I tried to apologize, I accidentally sent her the middle finger emoji and the bikini emoji.
I got a call from HR later that day and now I have to go to sexual harassment training. Is there anything I can do to fix this situation? I want to let my boss know how the whole thing was a ridiculous misunderstanding, but I'm afraid anything I text will only make things worse. -- MISUNDERSTOOD IN MEMPHIS
DEAR MISUNDERSTOOD: I think you have already done enough, don't you? Pursue this further and you can grab your ankles and kiss your job goodbye. Happy April Fools' Day to you, too.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)