DEAR READERS: This is my annual reminder to those of you who live where daylight saving time is observed: Don't forget to turn your clocks forward one hour tonight at bedtime. Daylight saving time begins at 2 a.m. tomorrow. For me, it signals the coming of spring with longer, brighter days and warmer weather -- everything I love!
Turned Down Once, Friend Is Twice Shy to Pursue Romance
DEAR ABBY: About a year ago, I confessed to one of my close guy friends that I liked him. He said he wasn't looking for a relationship. I haven't brought it up since. I have now found out his roommate is interested in me. I politely declined his advances, but I can't help but wonder if the guy I like turned me down because he knew his roommate liked me.
Even though it's been over a year since I confessed my feelings, there hasn't been a day I haven't thought about him. I have a gut feeling that he's where I'm supposed to be, but I don't want to make another advance if he doesn't want to be anything more than friends. I'm afraid of ruining our friendship.
We hang out in groups all the time and have deep conversations just the two of us, but we've never hung out alone, and he doesn't initiate text messages or phone calls. Still, the connection we have when we're together is undeniable and can't be ignored. Should I tell him I still like him and risk being embarrassed again? Or should I stay quiet and live a life thinking "what if?" -- MS. DANGEROUSLY IN LOVE
DEAR MS. DANGEROUSLY: Because you are dissatisfied with the way things are and thinking about a romantic relationship with this person every day, it's time to get a definite answer from him. Tell him you care about him and ask one more time. But if his answer is still no, then accept that it isn't meant to be and move on.
Couple Plans Wedding Again After Canceling It Three Times
DEAR ABBY: How many times must one save the date for a destination "wedding"? Three and a half years ago my husband was asked to be a groomsman in a destination wedding. We agreed and saved the date, paid for travel and accommodations (none refundable). The wedding was canceled because the bride was expecting.
We endured the same process again, only for her to be eight months pregnant for that date. It was canceled again. We were then asked to take off work to drive to a private ceremony on a week's notice, only for that ceremony to be canceled. After that, the couple subsequently married privately.
We have just received another save the date! Are we obligated to go? My husband believes he is, because he had told them he would be a groomsman nearly four years ago. I say, because they are ALREADY married (and we are already out $1,000), we should be off the hook. Is there a way to convince my husband of that? -- NEVER A BRIDESMAID
DEAR NEVER: Probably not. However, your reasoning seems sound to me, and your husband is no more "on the hook" than he wants to be. Why he would still feel obligated to go through with this charade is beyond me. Be glad you are married to someone as patient, loyal and responsible as your husband is -- all the things his friend is not.
Wife Is at Breaking Point With Out-of-Work Attorney
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I moved from another state four years ago. He went a year and a half before getting a job after we moved. Now he's out of a job again.
It has been seven months. He sits on the sofa and lounges around the house. He looks briefly for alerts on new job postings. He does a few chores -- not many.
He was an attorney, but he doesn't want to go back into the area of law he was in. He is getting no interviews, we're blowing through our savings and my job doesn't cover all of our expenses. I think he is unmotivated and lazy. At this point, I don't have much to say to him anymore except, "Did you look for a job today?"
It's sad what he has done to himself and his family. He won't discuss his career. I have told him just to get any job at this point, but then he gets very angry. I'm sure our children wonder why he is not working. I am afraid of the impact this will have on them and the example it sets.
I am close to hiring a divorce attorney. This is not the life I want. I'm emotionally and physically drained, and disgusted and embarrassed by his behavior. I have no one to talk to about this. We live in an expensive area with many educated professionals who don't behave like this. I'm sure if my friends and family knew, they would tell me to leave him. Help! -- CRUSHED IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR CRUSHED: Even if your husband can't find employment, he could be doing volunteer work and making contacts that could be valuable. Rather than show the anger you understandably feel, continue to encourage him. Consider this: Could he be having a midlife crisis or a severe depression? Before divorce, I urge you to see that your husband is medically and psychologically evaluated to determine what's going on. If he refuses, it may then be time to review your options.
Chauffeur Feels Slighted When Clients Use His First Name
DEAR ABBY: I was recently hired as a chauffeur in New York City. There was never any mention of how people should address me.
We are given information about the client we will be meeting. Some clients prefer not to be addressed as "Sir" or "Ms. X." I was told to always address my passenger using formal introductions such as "Good morning, Ms. X," unless otherwise instructed. I have noticed that all of my clients address me by my first name (the name given to them by dispatch).
I find it odd that it appears to be acceptable for the client to be informal with me, but I must be formal with them. Is this common? Should I ask the front office to give only my surname? -- INFORMAL IN NEW YORK
DEAR INFORMAL: It is very common. However, since it bothers you to be addressed by your first name, by all means ask the dispatcher to inform the clients that "Mr. Jones" will be their driver that day.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 30-year-old divorced male. I suffered from a stroke six months ago and have paralysis on one side of my body. After rehab, I returned home able to walk with a cane.
I have started texting a beautiful divorced woman. She lives next door, and we have been friends for more than six years. I don't know her age, but she's at least eight years older than I am. She has been visiting me frequently, and we have recently started holding hands while talking and exchanging hugs and kisses. My family is unaware of this.
Honestly, it has been a while since I have been in a relationship, and I want to pursue this new opportunity. But I don't know how to do it without causing problems with my family because they might think it is a forbidden relationship due to the big age gap between us. What should I do? -- READY AGAIN IN THE WEST
DEAR READY: At your age, the age difference is not important. Could your worries be based upon some feeling of guilt? If that's the case, my advice is to live the rest of your life as fully and happily as possible. Your neighbor is an adult; so are you. Let this relationship evolve naturally and see where it leads. And if it leads to something permanent, do not apologize to anyone for wanting to be happy.
DEAR ABBY: I'm a woman in prison for embezzlement. I was sentenced a year ago. My problem is my fiance. He's constantly saying that when I am released in 2 1/2 years, we are going to have a serious talk about the reasons why I did the crime. I have told him repeatedly that once I walk out of the prison gates, I won't want to discuss the reasons that put me here. I just want to put this horrible experience behind me.
I know this has been difficult for him, and he wants answers. How can I get him to understand that I will have paid my debt to society and just want to focus on the future when the time comes for my release? -- IMPRISONED IN VIRGINIA
DEAR IMPRISONED: I have an idea. Discuss your reasons for having committed embezzlement with your fiance now, before your sentence is up. He has proved his love by sticking with you, but if he is going to marry you, he deserves some honest answers. Although you may wish to close the gates behind you on this chapter of your life, that you are a convicted felon may have a negative impact when you re-enter the job market after your release, and you should be prepared for it.
Man's Fashion Statement Puts Health Before Good Looks
DEAR ABBY: Some time ago, my husband developed a foot condition and was advised by his physician to wear white socks. The condition has subsided, but he insists on wearing white socks as a preventative measure because the condition was painful. Regardless of how he dresses, he wears them, and has been questioned about it when he wears a dark suit. Is it acceptable for him to attempt to prevent a recurrence of an uncomfortable ailment? Or should he follow the protocol of dress? -- PRACTICAL OR FASHIONABLE?
DEAR P OR F: It seems to me that your husband has a solid medical reason for wearing the socks he chooses. Suggest that he buy some short white socks, and when "protocol" requires it, wear dark socks over them. However, if he refuses, then protocol be darned. (Like the socks!)