TO MY IRISH READERS: Happy St. Patrick's Day!
"May the most you wish for
"be the least you get.
"May the best times you've ever had
"be the worst you will ever see."
TO MY IRISH READERS: Happy St. Patrick's Day!
"May the most you wish for
"be the least you get.
"May the best times you've ever had
"be the worst you will ever see."
DEAR ABBY: My sister "Blanche" and her husband moved to the small town where my husband and I settled 23 years ago. Blanche is 11 years older than I am. My husband and I like our space, but we do spend time with them. They are retired, but we are still working.
Over the past three years they have not made any friends here in town to socialize with. They are now contacting my friends because we don't go out on weekdays and see them multiple times a week. Frankly, it's driving a wedge between all of us -- my family and my friends. I'm very resentful that they can't find their own friends. Am I wrong? -- GO FIND YOUR OWN FRIENDS
DEAR GO FIND: Feeling resentful is a waste of your time and energy. You can't control the social lives of other adults, nor should you expect to. Your sister hasn't kidnapped these individuals, so they must be socializing together willingly. This isn't a competition. Your friends are still your friends. You will be happier if you try harder to quell your insecurity.
DEAR ABBY: I love to cook. It's my passion. Problem is, when I cook for people coming over for dinner, my wife likes to sample the food before they arrive. What really upsets me is when I make a cake or something that needs to be served whole, she cuts into it and it looks like I'm serving leftover food. It's infuriating.
To me, the presentation is important. She couldn't care less. If I mark it "Do Not Eat" or hide the food, then I'm "wrong" or "going too far." Help! -- FOOD FIGHT IN NEW YORK
DEAR F.F.: Of course the presentation is important. Ask yourself why your wife would deliberately do something to ruin the meals you prepare for company. Could it be jealousy that you are the center of attention?
What she's doing is inconsiderate and disrespectful. If she's so hungry she can't control herself, she can make a peanut butter sandwich in an instant, or peel a banana in even less time. Because you must go so far as to hide the dishes you don't want "sampled," then I have to disagree with your Mrs. You are not going too far at all. Put your foot down!
DEAR ABBY: My best friend since childhood, "Jeff," died eight months ago; he was in a 57-year marriage. I have known his still-attractive widow, "Della," since they were newlyweds. I have been divorced for decades.
I have long admired Della at a distance, quietly, out of respect for Jeff. It helped that over the years we lived in different states. I believe she sensed my admiration for her.
How long should I wait before I begin showing my interest in her as a potential partner in our golden years? -- WISHFUL IN THE EAST
DEAR WISHFUL: Did you reach out to Della to express condolences when you learned of Jeff's death? If not, do it now. If she responds, follow up with a phone call -- and possibly a visit to her community and dinner if she's agreeable. Once you are in regular contact with her, you will be able to determine if the interest is mutual.
DEAR ABBY: When I first started dating my boyfriend seven years ago, I told him that I wanted to someday adopt a child. He said he would like his own children first, but adoption would be "cool."
We now have two children, 5 and 3, and I'm ready to adopt. We're financially able to support another child, and we both have great careers.
When I recently mentioned adoption to him, he said he has changed his mind and doesn't want to adopt. He says because we have our own children, he wouldn't want the adopted baby to potentially feel like the "odd one out."
Is this something to end an otherwise happy marriage over? Or should I give it one more shot and hope maybe he'll want to adopt? I have wanted to do this since I was a little girl, and it is important to me. -- PRO-ADOPTION IN OHIO
DEAR PRO-ADOPTION: You and your husband may need professional mediation to reach an agreement that will work for both of you. Bringing a child who needs a loving family into your home can be managed if everyone is on the same page with it -- including your biological children.
Your husband may not want the responsibility of another child because he has experienced parenthood twice and knows how much is involved in raising them, but the reason he gave doesn't strike me as valid.
That said, leaving your husband would be no guarantee that you would be in a position to adopt a child alone. There may be other options for you if you want to help children waiting for adoption -- including fostering, mentoring or volunteering with the Big Brothers Big Sisters program.
DEAR ABBY: I read your column daily and notice that you often suggest readers consult a "nutritionist" for assistance with healthy eating, weight loss, etc.
I have been a registered nurse for almost 50 years, and I would like to point out that the professional to be consulted about nutrition is a registered dietitian. A registered dietitian holds a college degree and usually a higher level degree, and teaches to the American Dietetic Association nutritional standard. This is an important distinction.
A nutritionist can be anybody who says they are one. Registered dietitians do not promote any fad diets and teach proper eating. This is especially important for people with medical diagnoses such as diabetes or heart disease, among others. But the teaching is for anyone who wants information about healthy eating to maintain good health throughout life.
Some dietitians have private offices, but if your readers can't locate one, they should ask their primary doctor so he/she can refer them to one. Or call the nutrition department of their local hospital, as there are often classes that can be attended at the hospital. -- NURSE WHO KNOWS IN MASSACHUSETTS
DEAR NURSE: Thank you for taking the time to share this information with my readers. Healthy eating is the basis for healthy living.
DEAR ABBY: My brother and sister-in-law recently told me their 5-year-old son claims my 9-year-old son touched him inappropriately on several occasions. Understanding that any parent believes what their child says, I asked my son if he has ever touched or done anything inappropriate to anyone. His response was, "Why would I do that?"
My husband and I asked our son about it on several different occasions and got the same answer. Not wanting to pressure him to the point of coercion and force him to admit to something he did not do, I accepted his denials.
My brother and his wife are convinced my son did these heinous things to their son. What more is there for me to do? My son and I are now being shunned and barred from being around any of my brother's kids. -- SHUNNED IN COLORADO
DEAR SHUNNED: A young child might make a statement like the one your nephew did to get attention, get the other child in trouble OR because he is being touched inappropriately by someone else. This certainly bears further exploration, and the people who should do that are your brother and his wife.
If your son ends up being guilty, then you and your husband must investigate where this behavior came from and get him professional help. Until this is resolved, the children should be kept apart.
DEAR ABBY: The other day, I was checking numbers on my contacts list in my phone. It has been years since I purged any, so I sent out a few texts with just the person's name. Later, I woke up around 3 a.m. and couldn't get back to sleep, so I checked my social media.
I returned two emails, then saw I had a response to one of my texts which read, "???" So I texted back my name. Next thing I knew, my phone was ringing. It was an acquaintance from years ago. I answered, even though I could have let it go into voicemail, because I didn't want to be rude. However, the last thing I wanted to do was have a 3 a.m. conversation with this person -- or any person, for that matter.
In my opinion, a phone call is different from a text. Calling me at 3 a.m. was inappropriate, bordering on rude. The other person contends I shouldn't have texted that late if I didn't want to talk. I have put this matter of contemporary communication etiquette out there, and the feedback I'm receiving on the subject is divided. What do you think? -- TEXT ETIQUETTE IN THE SOUTH
DEAR TEXT ETIQUETTE: What I think is that you owe the person an apology for having disturbed him or her in the wee hours of the morning and, while you're at it, explain that you didn't think your text would be seen until after sunup.
DEAR ABBY: I get my hair done at the local beauty school. When I pay, there is no room on the bill to leave a tip. Is it OK not to tip these people because they are in school, or should I plan on bringing cash with me next time? -- WONDERING IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR WONDERING: If you like the service the student performed, show your gratitude (and respect!) by bringing along enough money to tip him or her. That's what I would do, as long as there is no school rule that forbids it.